Ze Book Excerpt!!!

Greetings all!!!!
Shhhoooo, here's the excerpt to my book I said I would be posting!! Well, I really shouldn't be posting it until next week, since I'm not yet to the halfway mark. But I really was sick of putting it off, and I only have a chapter to go. So here it is!

   Allow me to give you a brief summary of my novel. First off, it's called The Secret Key, book one in the "Shadow's Bane" books and the genre is Christian Fantasy. These are both tentative titles, but I really do like them thus far! The story itself is a first person narrative of a young man named Brutan. The village where he lives (which is actually called the Village, heehee), is in the center of an uprising darkness. His father along with his mentor the Master Trainer, recruit Brutan, his best friend Loorarc, and three other young people of the Village to help protect it: Dramduel the blacksmith's son, Gvenney the baker's daughter, and Breeta the orphan girl. They are the beginnings of what the Master Trainer and Brutan's father have dubbed Home Defense. And so basically they have to try and figure each other out while trying to piece together what's going on, and Brutan is trying to help Loorarc and Breeta and everyone else all while trying to save the Village and keep himself from falling apart in the process.
   All this to say, I have obviously never written a summary of my book before. And I need to work on that. But if you want more info you can go check out my boards on Pinterest. I have a lot of boards in general, but I also have a lot for my books. So yeah....
   *Clears throat* How about I just dive into the excerpt and if you have any questions you can ask me?
   I have decided to share a scene that I am rather proud of. It's this Training scene that involves all of the Home Defense "recruits" I guess you would call them. (Training as this special, er, program that the Village has for teaching young people the art of swordfighting and such.) The beginning is a little abrupt because it's in the middle of a chapter.
 Comments and critiques are welcome! And in a word of warning, this is the very-first-super-rough draft. So just be prepared to groan and grimace a little. But without further rambling, here it is!

The Secret Key Excerpt
Copyright Maggie Rice.

 “So, why exactly are we here?” Breeta asked. “You didn't just summon us in the middle of the night to apologize, did you?”

I shook my head. “No, I didn't. And it's not exactly the middle of the night.”

Breeta rolled her eyes at this.

“But even if it was, what we're going to do would be worth it.”

I grinned at the mixture of eagerness and curiosity on each of their faces. I began to pace back and forth in front of them with my hands clasped behind my back, putting on a serious look.

“We don't usually do this until later on in your Training. But considering that the three of you are older than the average Learner and you're all doing very well, I thought we could give it a shot. This does require a fair amount of agility and cunning, speed and stamina, strength and stealth. You might not be up to the challenge yet, but I thought...”

“Come on Brutan!” Breeta exclaimed. “We're ready for whatever challenge you give us.”

I tried to cover my returning grin by raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Gvenney and Dramduel, are you sure you're up to this challenge?”

They both nodded their heads, Gvenney smiling eagerly.

I shrugged. “If you're all going to be stubborn, then okay. But don't say I didn't warn you.”

Gvenney did look a little worried at that, but Breeta's eyes lit up. Dramduel had a good idea of what was happening from talking to the young Learners of the Village, but he didn't spoil it for the girls.

“Did any of you notice that red flag hanging there?” I asked them, pointing to a red strip of cloth suspended from the grated roof of the the Arena.

“I did.” Breeta said.

“So did I.” Replied Gvenney.

“You're goal is to get that red flag.” I continued.

Breeta snorted. “That won't be hard. I can reach it without even standing on my toes.”

“You could,” I continued. “That would be easy enough. But this is supposed to be a challenge. You have to retrieve the flag while getting past all eight of the Trainers with nothing but your sword. Oh, and you'll also have to watch out for certain obstacles that have been set up along the way.”

“What obstacles?” Breeta asked, glancing around the empty room.

“They haven't been set up yet. That would be too easy.” I bit back a grin. These night time sessions were always the best part of Training. Breeta looked like she was about to burst from excitement as did Dramduel and myself too, I was sure. Gvenney looked mostly anxious.

“Here are your swords,” I said, grabbing them from the bench they were sitting on and tossing them to each of the Learners.

“We're not going to have any armor?” Gvenney asked with obvious concern.

“Nope. But the Healer is here in case someone gets hurt.”

Gvenney gasped, but I didn't give her time to dwell on this new bit of information.

I put my fingers to my mouth and whistled loudly. The Trainers appeared from different side halls around the room, swords and shields in hand and bodies fully armored.

“And did I mention that we would be doing all of this in the dark?” I asked, drawing my sword and allowing my grin to break through.

Gvenney's eyes widened in fright and Breeta had just enough time to exclaim “What?!” before the Trainers had doused the torches. The Arena was instantly plunged into darkness. Loud screeching and rumbling echoed around the room as the obstacles were moved into position. Ominous silence followed the almost unbearable noise.

“What are we supposed to do?” Gvenney whispered.

“Form a circle with your backs facing inward. And get into a defensive position.” I whispered back, positioning myself like I had ordered. Dramduel quickly fell into place at my side.

“Wait, you're helping us?” Breeta asked a little too loudly.

“Yes, I am. Now get into place.”

She and Gvenney slid in next to Dramduel and I.

“What do we do now?” Breeta questioned. “We have no idea where the Trainers are and we can't see anything.”

“Listen.” I said.

“For what?”

“Just listen.”

I took in a lungful of air and held it. My eyes were closed, my body tensed. I opened my ears and mind and focused on searching for a sound from the Trainers. The Arena was silent aside from the Learners' agitated breathing. There wasn't a single noise from the Trainers, not even a...

The slightest footstep from a few feet away reached my ears. Silently, I swung my sword at the noise. It was followed by a thump of impact and a grunt from the Trainer I had hit. I could just make out his shadowy form as he retreated.

“How did you do that?” Breeta asked right before she squealed in surprise. A Trainer loomed above her from the darkness, sword over his head and crashing down swiftly onto Breeta. She growled fiercely and instinctively stabbed her wooden sword solidly into his stomach. I could hear the air rush out of him from where I was standing. Gasping, he stumbled away, Breeta muttering an apology after him.

“Don't apologize.” I told her. “They're not going to go easy on us, so we're not going to go easy on them.” I smiled, even though I knew she couldn't see it in the dark. “The rules are a little different during a night Training session.”

“Aren't we supposed to be getting that flag?” Dramduel asked from his place at my side.

“Yes we are.”

“And how are we going to do that?” Breeta inquired.

“We're going to have to split up. Each of us will have a different job to do so we can get the flag. Someone needs to look out for Trainers, someone has to watch for obstacles, someone needs to attack the Trainers, and someone needs to actually get the flag. Who wants to do what?”

“I'll attack the Trainers.” Breeta volunteered a little too eagerly.

“I'll watch out for them.” Gvenney said.

“Good. Dramduel, do you want to get the flag?”

I heard him shrug next to me. “That sounds good to me.”

“And I'll look for obstacles. I'll lead the way. Breeta, you need to circle around everyone and take down any of the Trainers you see. Just make sure you don't take down one of us.”

She giggled quietly. “I won't. How do I tell?”

“Well, we're all a lot shorter than all of them. That's a good start. Dramduel, you need to stay somewhere in the middle, and you need to stay by him, Gvenney. Do we all understand what we need to do?”

“Yes.” The Learners replied almost in unison.

“Alright. Let's go. Oh, wait a moment!” I stopped the Learners before they could run off. “If the Trainers capture any of you, then you're out of the session. And if you land any blows on the Trainers then they're out.”

“So that means that we've already taken out two Trainers?” Breeta asked.

“Yes, we have. But they usually do that to just let you get your hopes up.”

“Great.” Breeta moaned.

“We'll split on my count. Three... two... one... Go!”

We dashed out of our circle of protection and into the dark unknown.

Not three paces away I was attacked by a waiting Trainer. He lunged sharply at me and I just had time to side step his blow. Our swords slammed together six times before I pushed him away and struck him solidly on his left shoulder. He hissed in pain and backed away.

I trotted carefully forward. Someone else was fighting, and it sounded like Dramduel. At least that would give me time to catch up.

I was so focused on finding him that I didn't see the first obstacle. My foot got tangled in it and I tripped, falling none to gracefully onto the cobblestones with a loud 'oomph!' I jerked desperately at my foot until it finally came loose and knelt down to get a better look at this obstacle. Fish netting about two feet high stretched all the way across the Arena.

“Watch out for fish netting.” I called out to the Learners as I jumped up.

“Fish netting? What do you mean watch out for fish netting?” I heard Breeta ask before she thudded to the groan with a gasp of surprise.

“That fish netting.” I replied, fighting back a chuckle.

The next obstacle I came to was giant pit of mud oozing all over the Arena floor. Large barrels were scattered around its edge that I almost tripped over multiple times.

“Mud puddle and barrels.” I announced.

A few feet behind me and to my left, Breeta screamed and something splashed to the cobblestones.

“Ice water!” She managed to sputter out as she fought off the Trainer that had thrown it.

I heard someone running to me from my left and the suspicious sounds of sloshing. I leaped aside just as a bucketful of ice water was launched at me. It splashed harmlessly past me, but the Trainer wasn't fazed.

He lunged at me with a wild growl. I pushed his sword up and away from him, and lashed at his side. His shield caught my blow and he pushed me backwards with it right into the mud. I caught myself before I fell backwards into it and jumped onto the Trainer before he could recover himself. I hit him as gently as I could on his head and he sighed in defeat.

“You're getting better, Brutan.”

It was Trainer Keanor. I chuckled. “Thank you. You're not too bad yourself.”

“But you're still not better than me.”

I heard a swooshing sound behind me and ducked instinctively. I swung my blade in an arc and hit this new Trainer in his side.

I grinned at Trainer Keanor. “Maybe I am.”

He snorted at this and walked silently off with the other Trainer.

“Thanks for taking care of that guy for me.” Breeta said.

“No problem. There's only two Trainers left and one of them's the Master Trainer. You might need some help with him.” I whispered.

“I doubt it. But I'll holler if I do.”

A shriek came from Gvenney near the center of the Arena followed by the sound of wooden swords crashing together.

“I'm coming, Gvenney!” Breeta yelped as she ran over to help her.

I moved forward, looking for more obstacles. We didn't have much time left before the torches were re-lit and the session was over. But from what I could tell from the faint outlines of obstacles and Learners I could see, we were nearing out goal. Directly in front of the rope the flag was hanging from were five square boxes, each different sizes but all of them taller then a full grown man. A path wound through these boxes that was so small only one Learner could squeeze through at a time. Waiting at the end of this path was either the flag or another obstacle.

I glanced around to make sure everyone had passed all of the previous obstacles. Breeta and Gvenney were still fighting the Trainer and Dramduel was racing towards me. He screeched to a halt at my side.

“Past those boxes,” he panted. “Are there anymore obstacles?”

I shrugged. “The Master Trainer could be waiting for us in there, but I'm not sure. There's only one way to find out.”

“Should we wait for the girls?” He asked, looking back at the forms of Breeta and Gvenney as they struggled with the Trainer.

“We need to go in there now or we won't have time.” I said. “I'm sure Breeta and Gvenney will follow us soon.”

“Then let's go.” Dramduel smiled. He darted into the final obstacle with me following close behind.

We squeezed our way through the short maze quickly and painlessly. When we pushed ourselves out of it, our swords were up and ready for whatever challenge might face us. It almost seemed darker over here. I squinted my eyes and peered around me, ears perked for the slightest irregular noise. The sound of the girls sparring the Trainer were muffled behind the tall boxes and I didn't hear anything else unusual.

“Go ahead and get the flag, Dramduel and I'll watch out for the Master Trainer.”

These words had barely passed through my mouth before Dramduel shouted and pushed me backwards. We crashed onto the cobblestones and I watched as the massive silhouette of the Master Trainer sailed down from the top of a box and landed nimbly right in front of us.

Dramduel and I scrambled up and lowered ourselves into defensive positions.

“I'll distract him. You get the flag.” I mumbled out of the side of my mouth. Dramduel nodded almost imperceptibly.

Wordlessly, the Master Trainer charged at us. His sword sliced down at me diagonally over his shoulder and it took all of my strength to block it. Dramduel sprinted off towards the flag, but the Master Trainer turned on him. Dramduel barely managed to bring his sword up to meet the Master Trainer's as he rained down blow after blow on the Learner. Dramduel faltered under a particularly heavy strike and I leaped in. I shoved the Master Trainer's blade aside just enough to let Dramduel loose. I swung at the Master Trainer just as quickly as he had swung at Dramduel moments before. I just had to give Dramduel enough time to get the flag before the Master Trainer won, as I knew he eventually would.

Shouts came from the other side of the obstacle. Heavy, running footsteps, and out of the opening between the boxes came the last Trainer. Dramduel was just reaching up to take the flag when the Trainer appeared. He ran over to Dramduel before he could retrieve the flag and they were soon engaged in a desperate battle.

Breeta and Gvenney slid out of the path and almost ran into each other.

“Get the flag!” I yelled, my teeth gritted in concentration.

“Isn't that Dramduel's job?” Breeta asked, looking back and forth between Dramduel and I.

“That doesn't matter anymore!” I exclaimed, ducking out of the way of a wild blow from the Master Trainer. “Just get the flag!”

Both of the girls rushed over to the flag at the same time. I struggled to hold back the Master Trainer, grunting with every blow I gave and parried. I didn't think I could hold out for much longer against his sheer strength. But I remembered how I had found that extra strength during my fight with the Night Shadow, and I dug for it.

As Breeta ran past Dramduel, the Trainer fighting him stuck out his foot. Breeta pitched forward and fell to her knees. In one fell stroke, the Trainer slammed Dramduel across the front of his chest and pivoted around to face Breeta. Gvenney watched all this in stunned silence.

“Gvenney!” I screamed, battering back the Master Trainer's furious assaults. She looked over at me.

“Get the flag!” Each word was punctuated by a grunt as I deflected three more blows from the Master Trainer.

That was all she needed. Slipping a little on the cobblestones, she bolted over the few remaining steps to the flag. The remaining Trainer leapt over Breeta and raced towards her, but he was too late. Gvenney ripped the flag from its rope and raised it high in the air just as the torches were re-lit.

“I did it! I got the flag!” She cried, a triumphant smile pulling back her lips further than I thought was humanly possible.

Breeta shouted victoriously, leaping up from her knees and running over to Gvenney. She hugged her, laughing and saying “You did it!” over and over again.

Dramduel and I both dropped our swords and lifted Gvenney onto our shoulders. The four of us marched around the eight humble Trainers who cheered Gvenney's name with us as she blushed a deep crimson.

For the first time in a long time, the Learners had succeeded in retrieving the flag. And this was cause for celebration.

“You can all take tomorrow off.” The Master Trainer said once our excitement had cooled down and Gvenney was safely on the ground again. “And the teamwork and ingenuity you displayed tonight has shown me that you will all make excellent Home Defenders. From this moment on Dramduel, Gvenney, and Breeta are now officially Learners. In a few weeks time we will have a banquet to honor this occasion and announce the news to the Village. So I would suggest that you all prepare yourselves for a grand feast.”

Great shouts of joy rose up from both the four of us and the Trainers. No longer were the Learners just being tested, or the concept of Home Defense just an experiment. Now it was a reality. For me, this was both exciting and frightening. Not only was Home Defense a reality, but so was the threat behind its birth. And I had to Train these Learners to be ready to fight whatever that threat was. 

Thanks for reading!!!! Have a great week. :D

MR