"Deep Stuff"- A Gravity Falls Fanfiction

Heyo readers!

   I'm back! A little late, but hey. I was trying to finish my fanfiction, and guess what? I DID!!! It's like a miracle, I actually got something down when I said I would have it done! :D 

   So yes, that's what this post is going to be.

   But before you read this fanfiction, I must say some things. 

   First off, obvious spoilers for Gravity Falls. If you haven't seen the show, don't read this fanfic, because if you haven't seen it you need to go watch it right now. And I mean now. So go. Don't even finish reading this post or this description or anything. Go watch the show. 

   BUT

   If you have seen the show, but you haven't gotten to S2E4 "Sock Opera", you shouldn't read this fic. Because, spoilers. Seriously. Go catch up and then come back and read. 

   And that concludes the disclaimers or warnings or whatever. Except, did I mention that I've only read this through once, so it's probably really bad and I'm probably going to regret posting it by tomorrow, but oh well I just wanted to get it up. 

   So don't hate me for this fic. 

   Alright! Enough chit-chat. Let's get this thing started. 

 “Deep Stuff”

Gravity Falls fanfiction (Post Sock Opera)

-Dipper and Mabel have a late night discussion about a certain psycho triangle and the affect he had on a certain twelve-year old Mystery Twin-

Mabel's eyes flew open, something jolting her unexpectedly from her sleep. She blinked, brow furrowing as she wondered what could have woken her. She felt wary, strange, like something wasn't right. Could she have been having a nightmare?

Nah, that wasn't likely. Mabel never had nightmares, and on the rare occasion she did, they were never bad enough to give her the unsettled feeling she had now.

Maybe it was a weird noise? Yeah, that made more sense. It was probably just Grunkle Stan rummaging around for some food or doing some weird old man stuff. She knew it wasn't Dipper because the lights were out and she could hear the rhythmic sounds of his snoring coming from the other side of the room.

Except, the snores weren't coming from the other side of the room.

She glanced down at the curled up form of Waddles nestled at her feet. Rumbling pig-snores echoed from his adorable little mouth, his precious little hooves brought up by his head and a look of utter contentment on his face.

A little squeal erupted out of Mabel at his piggy-cuteness before she clapped a hand over her mouth to stop it.

Of course the snores weren't coming from Dipper. He never snored, but Waddles always did. But she didn't have any time to think about that, because what she was looking at right now was prime scrapbook material. She groped for the camera she kept on her bedside table, but her hand found nothing but empty-space. Dang it, where was her camera???

Any moment now, Waddles would shift to a different position and this cuteness would be lost for all eternity, never to return again. There was no time to lose!

She swiveled toward Dipper's side of the room, mouth open and ready to plead with him to help her find her camera before it was forever too late.

That was when she remembered it was the middle of the night. Also that she was awake because of what she assumed was a strange noise. And even more important that all this, she realized that her twin brother was not in his bed where he should be.

She paused, staring at the messed up bedclothes and empty bed for a moment. Before she rolled her eyes and continued to search for her camera.

He had probably just gone to the bathroom and run into something along the way. She grinned, imagining the half-asleep form of her brother stumbling to the bathroom and running into a table or something equally clumsy and completely him.

But that was when she saw that Dipper's hat and vest were missing from their usual place at the foot of his bed. With a startling flash of clarity, she remembered everything that had happened yesterday with her brother and her completely failed sock-opera and Gabe and Bill and Bipper.

She also remembered that Dipper never got up in the middle of the night unless he was sick or he'd had a nightmare. And with everything that had happened yesterday, neither of those options were out of the question.

She leaped out of the covers and onto her feet in one smooth movement. Her eyes locked on Dipper's table and she noted with relief that the journal was still there. The last thing she wanted her brother doing was more research or whatever nerdy stuff he did when what he really should be doing was getting some rest, sickness or nightmares or not.

But even though the journal was where it should be, her brother was not. And he was hurt and tired and what if Bill had come back...

She shook her head furiously to get rid of these ridiculous thoughts.

“Come on, Mabes,” she muttered to herself. “Worrying is for Dipper. Stepping forward with a smile on your face and getting the job done is your area of expertise!”

Taking a deep breath, she stepped off of the bed, casting one more glance at Waddles before she left the room. The moment of cuteness would just have to be lost.

Her sock clad feet padded swiftly along the wooden floor of the house as she searched for her brother. Her first stop was the bathroom, but he wasn't there. Next she tried the kitchen, but that was empty as well. She checked the living room, the hallways, the gift shop, she even managed a peek into Grunkle Stan's room, but he wasn't there, he wasn't anywhere.

A sigh escaped her mouth as she tried to fight down her rising worry. She had come back up to the attic and planted herself on the window seat, her chin cupped in her hands, lips pursued in concentration.

She shouldn't be worried. She was the great Mabel Pines, capable of conquering any fear with a never-ending supply of cheer, glitter, and yarn! If she could do that, then she could find her missing twin.

But she'd looked everywhere! Where could he possibly be?

Ding.

A light clicked on in Mabel's mind. She grinned and ran down the stairs as fast as she dared while still being quiet. There was one place she hadn't looked yet, and she had a pretty good feeling that was where he was.

Carefully, quietly she sneaked up the ladder that led to the roof. One she'd reached the top, she climbed to the top and raised her head just enough to peek over the rim. A relieved grin tugged at her mouth when she saw the hunched-over form of her brother in the moonlight, sitting motionlessly on the platform.

The platform floor creaked loudly as she walked over to him. She settled down on his right wordlessly as she thought of the right amount of cheer to slather on without overwhelming him. Judging from the fact that his face was completely hidden under his hat and he hadn't so much as glanced in her direction, he had probably had a nightmare. And when it was this bad, she had to be very careful with what she said so she didn't send him “over the edge”, as Mom and Dad had said last time this had happened. Of course, the last time this had occurred was back when they were both nine and they had watched Toy Story 3 and Dipper had gotten scared that Lots-O'Huggin' Bear was going to eat him and his toys. After the events of today, Mabel was pretty sure that this was a little worse.

She gulped, staring at Dipper's unmoved form. Yep, this was definitely going to take some thought.

His knees were brought up to his chest, arms wrapped firmly around them, head somewhere between his legs and his body. She could just see the white bandages wrapped around his left arm and the bruises that ran down all the way to his wrist. In her mind she could see the other bruises and cuts on his back and legs, and the giant goose egg on the back of his head.

Anger rushed through her as she stared at her brother. This was all Bill's fault. That low-down, good for nothing, triangular poop-face! Mabel didn't often have the desire to punch things, but when she thought about that stupid triangle she did. She'd hit him right in his fat eye if she could.

Dipper shifted slightly, wrapping his arms a little tighter around his legs. He sniffed quietly, but it was loud enough that Mabel didn't miss it.

Was he crying?? She couldn't remember that last time he had cried. This was bad, this was super-duper not good. She was definitely going to need to ration her cheer carefully.

He still hadn't even glanced at her yet, had hardly even moved. If it wasn't for the almost imperceptible rise and fall of his shoulders she wouldn't have even known if he was breathing.

As the two of them sat in silence, the only sounds coming from the forest around them, part of Dipper wanted Mabel to just leave him alone. It was just a dumb nightmare! He didn't want her to see him upset like this, especially over something so stupid. He was fine, he didn't need anyone to tell everything was okay or any of that. He just wanted to be alone for awhile.

Or at least, that was what he told himself. He sniffed again, burying his face a little deeper into his legs and hoping Mabel hadn't noticed and that she would just go away, or maybe not, maybe it would be better if she stayed...

Mabel certainly did hear this second sniffle, and she came to the conclusion that it was time to stop thinking. She lived by the standard that jumping into things without much thought was almost always a great idea, and this time wasn't any different.

“Whatcha doin' out here, bro-bro?”

Her voice was gentle, hardly loud enough to break the silence. Dipper jumped as if she'd shouted it.

He gulped noisily and cleared his throat.

“Oh, you know. Just thinking.” His voice cracked and shook when he spoke.

“'Bout what?” Mabel prodded, sliding a little closer to her brother.

He shrugged. “Stuff.”

Not good, not good, not good. She hesitated for a brief moment, wondering if she should say what she wanted to or if it would be an over-the-edge-sender. Dipper sat there, half of him wanting her to say it, and the other half hoping she wouldn't.

“You thinkin' about what happened today?”

There, she said it.

Silence for what felt like an eternity.

Then a shrug and a grunt from the Dipper-lump.

“Kind of.”

Mabel wanted to remind him of the talk they'd had about giving better answers, but now wasn't the time.

“Kind of?”

Dipper sighed deep and long, loosening the tension in his shoulders that Mabel hadn't noticed before.

“It's not a big deal, Mabel, really.”

His voice was muffled behind his knees, but Mabel didn't need to hear it clearly to know that it was thick with tears and that was most certainly a big deal, thank you very much, Dipper Pines.

She carefully put a hand on his shoulder, painfully aware of the bruises just under his clothes.

“Hey Dipper.”

She paused, waiting for some kind of response.

His head shifted toward her, just enough that she could see that faint outline of his face in the moonlight.

Putting on her best, most encouraging, most Mabel-y smile, she continued.

“You know, plain ol' siblings are pretty good at sharing stuff with each other, but twins are even better at it. And sometimes you might not want to talk about something, but you always feel better after you do.”

She let her smile get a little wider, a little more encouraging.

The lump-that-was-Dipper stayed perfectly still for a moment. She heard him swallow, watched as the glint of his eyes disappeared as he blinked.

Then, finally...

“I had a bad dream.”

He had a feeling that she probably had already figured this out by now, but it was an easy way to ease into the conversation that he knew was coming.

He spoke so quietly that Mabel could hardly hear him through the muffling powers of his legs and the faint night-time noises coming from below.

She nodded, far from surprised at this.

“Was it about that crazy triangle?” She prodded when he didn't continue.

He visibly winced at the mention of that stupid thing and nodded.

There was another moment of silence as Mabel tried to think of how to get her brother to open up without making him freak out. Dipper didn't think that was possible. Unless he decided to speak first.

“He was in my body again.”

Dipper had turned his head completely away from her, but his face wasn't buried quite as deeply into his knees.

“It was just the same stuff that happened today, but this time everything didn't turn out alright.”

Mabel could see his face clearly now. Wide eyes stared up at the night sky, the dark circles under them still as prominent as the day before, cuts and bruises framing his pale face.

“Bill got the journal this time. He destroyed it, right there in front of me and I couldn't to anything.”

He was getting more animated now, giving his arms a helpless shake to emphasize his point. Mabel didn't miss the way he winced when he jerked his injured arm a little too hard.

He stopped talking, arms wrapped back around his legs again. There was something about the way his shoulders tensed up and how his throat started working that told Mabel he wasn't finished yet.

“But I didn't care about any of that.” He whispered. “He could have burned the journal a hundred times and I wouldn't have cared.”

Mabel squinted at him. Well, this was odd.

Dipper swallowed loudly and looked into her eyes for the first time that night,

“He killed you, Mabel. I watched him as he took my hands and he...”

His voice broke. Biting down on his lip in an attempt to fight off the tears, he stared at his sister with watery, fear-filled eyes.

“I killed you.”

The sentence ended in a sob that sent the first tear rolling down his cheek. He took a shuddering breath and pushed forward before Mabel could say anything, a note of hysteria creeping into his voice.

“It's all my fault. I should have never made that deal with Bill in the first place. I should have listened to the journal, I should have never let him into my mind and now it's too late.”

The hysteria was turning into full-blown panic now. His gaze darted around wildly, looking anywhere but at his sister, breaths coming in short gasps.

It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my-

“Dipper, what the heck? Calm down, will ya?”

Mabel's startled and somehow commanding voice drew Dipper back to reality. He started and glanced over at her, mouth still gaping open in whatever he was about to say. He looked confused, almost as if he'd forgotten he wasn't still stuck in the dream and that Mabel wasn't dead and everything was okay.

Closing his mouth, he cleared his throat and blinked uncomfortably against the sting in his eyes. Was that from tears or from what had happened in the kitchen?

Mabel was starting to get worried and there was no pushing it aside this time.

“It was just a dream, dummy, nothing to worry about. We took care of that crazy triangle dude, the journal's safe and I'm just alive and me as ever!”

She threw in an extra wide grin and lifted her shoulders up.

“So there's no reason for you to...”

The look Dipper was giving her was enough to put her cheerfulness on a temporary hold.

Past the tears swimming around their red-rims and spilling over onto his cheeks, there was so much guilt in his eyes that it made Mabel start to wonder if he really had killed her.

“You don't understand,” he croaked. “I know it was just a dream, but, but it wasn't! I actually let Bill into my mind. He was literally inside of my body while I floated around and watched him wreak havoc on it!”

Mabel could see memories of the things he'd told her about flash across his face. The stairs, the kitchen, the forks, the cuts and bruises...

“You could have really died, Mabel!”

His voice rose to a choked shout that silenced some of the forest noises.

“We could have all died because I made a stupid mistake. It would have been all my fault.”

The words ripped their way out his throat, tearing at his guilt-ridden heart like knives. Mabel flinched at their force, looking at her brother with a mixture of fear and concern on her face.

Dipper's ragged breaths were the only noise that filled the silence as the twins stared at each other.

Mabel hadn't seen her brother this freaked out in a long time. No, no that was wrong. This was a while new level of freaked out, something untouched and so intense that it was more than she'd expect even from Dipper. She could see him shaking, his eyes were wide and bloodshot and so haunted that he didn't even look like her brother anymore. And he was crying. Dipper never cried, not that she ever saw at least. He was always too worried about her to let her see him like that.

But this completely broke that unspoken rule, shattered it in a million-zillion pieces.

For once, Mabel was at a complete loss for words.

One look at her face was all it took for him to realize that he'd just gone over the edge again. He abruptly stopped panting, biting down on his lip with an embarrassed look creeping onto his face. Mabel looked almost scared at how distraught he was. That just made the guilt worse and before he had even realized it he'd curled back up again, hiding his tear-stained face behind his knees.

He missed the steely resolve that filled his sister's eyes when he did.

She put her hand back on his shoulder, ignoring the way he flinched away from her when she did.

“Listen up, Dippers.”

The calm strength in her usually cheerful voice was enough to make him glance over at her.

“I am going to be completely, painfully honest with you, even though I don't want to and I just want to say that everything's fine and what happened today wasn't a big deal and now it's over and all of those wonderful, nice things. But I'm not going to.”

Mabel paused. She had her brother's full attention now.

“All that sad junk you said earlier was kinda right. You were the one who let Bill take control or whatever and you did pretty much annihilate my show.”

She wasn't missing the hurt look in Dipper's eyes, but she pushed on, hoping he wouldn't start hating her until she was finished.

“Though, the whole thing with the rockets and the fire and all the things that went BOOM were my fault. But the point is, bro, that it doesn't really matter.”

Dipper raised an eyebrow at this and opened his mouth to say something, but Mabel held up a hand to stop him, teeth gritted in determination.

“Just hear me out! What I'm trying to say is that we all make mistakes. Remember that time I destroyed the magical mailbox in the forest by putting in the video of me stuffing gummy worms up my nose? Or when I told Gideon I'd go on a date with him?”

The twins shuddered simultaneously, a look of disgust coming over both of their faces.

“Yeah, that wasn't your best decision.” Dipper mumbled.

“So true! That one almost got us killed to. And there are like, a ba-jillion more mistakes I've made I could say. But even worse than any of those was when I didn't help you out with that computer when I told you I would.”

Mabel's tone was completely serious now. It could have just been the moonlight playing tricks on him, but Dipper could have sworn he saw regret in her eyes.

“So the whole mess was kind of my fault to. But in the end, everything did turn out mostly alright, even though we both messed up.”

Her gaze flickered down to the bandages on her brother's arm and she gave a mental emphasize on the word 'mostly'.

“You can't stay stuck on your mistakes, bro-bro! You gotta just keep moving on or life is gonna be a whole lot less awesome. You get what I'm trying to say?”

Dipper blinked at his sister as her eyes bored into him, waiting for a response.

“Wow, Mabel. That was really... Deep.”

She grinned. “I know, right?! I don't even know where that came from.”

There was a moment of silence, both of the twins staring at each other. Before Dipper could stop it, before he even realized it, a chuckle had escaped his mouth.

Taking the chuckle as a sign that her brother was back to normal, she let her grin grow extra wide, all the concern and regret gone so fast Dipper wondered if it had ever been there at all.

Letting her hand fall off of his shoulder, Mabel turned her gaze to the stars above them. Her face was happy, content, back to how it always was and how it always should be.

“Hey, Mabel?”

She looked back at her brother, her lips pursued questioningly.

Dipper scooted at little closer, crossing his legs and planting his hands behind him for support.

“Thanks. You know, for all of that deep stuff.”

He shot her a smile before letting his eyes wander up to the night sky.

“No problem, bro-bro. Can you show me where the big dipper is again?”

“Yeah.” He pointed up near the horizon. “It's right...”

“There!”

Mabel lunged over and gave his forehead a gentle poke. She giggled and Dipper let out a groan.

“Doesn't that ever get old?” He asked, rubbing his forehead and glaring at her in mock irritation.

“Nope!”

A ridiculously wide grin adorned her face. Dipper tried to groan again, but it turned into a laugh half-way through. Soon the sounds of the twins mirth echoed around the forest by the Mystery Shack, silencing the usual noises and replacing them with the sound of something much better.

End

Hope you all enjoyed this! As usual comments and critiques are always welcome. :D Have a great week everyone!!!!!

MR

P.S. Also, I believe this might be the longest fanfic I've written to date. So yeah. I'm actually leaving now. Goodbye. 

"Not Alone: Part One" (A Merlin Fanfiction)

'Ello readers!!
    Sooo.... I have seven chapters left in my book. Did you catch that? Seven chapters!!!!!! I'M ALMOST FINISHED!!!!!
    But here's the catch.
    I wanna have it done by the 30th of September. And in order for my to accomplish that goal, I have to write, like 2 chapters a week. I usually do about a chapter a week, which is on average about 3-4000 words. Though, these last few chapters are gonna be waaaaay bigger. SO YEAH. And I have been taking the weekends off of writing, but I will no longer be able to do that if I wanna accomplish this goal. And I'm starting school again this Tuesday, so ish gonna be a little crazy fer me. Therefore, these next few weeks of blog posts might not be much content wise. Like, I'm thinking some book reviews and things like that. Which I've never actually done before, so that'll be fun to try!
   This week though, I'm going to share with you all a Merlin fanfiction. Er, it's actually part one in a six-part series of Merlin fanfic, but I only have the first two part completely written. The second part needs a bit of work, and the third part is almost finished. But what with all this writing I'm going to be doing it might be awhile before I post the next parts. Of course, if I do finish my book, I'll have some more time for fanfics!! Yippee!!
   But anyway.
   Here's the fanfic! Again, comments and critiques and stuff like that are welcome. This does contain spoilers for those of you who either a.) haven't seen Merlin, or b.) haven't gotten to the season 2 finale. BOTH OF WHICH YOU SHOULD DO ANYWAY BECAUSE MERLIN IS AMAZING EVEN THOUGH IT IS HEARTWRENCHING.
 

Curse you, fanfiction covers. Curse you. 

“MERLIN!”

A boot flew from the other side of the room and hit Merlin on the side of his face, sending him and the armor he was polishing crashing to the ground. He lifted his head from the floor, his mouth open in shock.

“What was that for?”

“It's for not doing your work, that's what it's for!” Prince Arthur yelled. “You're just staring into space! Like you've been doing for the past week.”

Merlin rose slowly from the ground and picked up the armor. “Sorry sire,” He mumbled. “It won't happen again.” He sat back down on his chair and began scrubbing away at a particularly stubborn spot.

Arthur face took on a look of disbelief.

“No sarcastic remarks? No insulting names?”

He paused, waiting expectantly for a reply. He was met with nothing but the sound of Merlin's rag rubbing against his armor. “Not even an eye roll?”

“I guess not.” Merlin replied markedly, tightening his jaw and tilting his head to the side a bit. He scrubbed harder.

Arthur huffed in surprise.

“You know, Merlin, this depression is really starting to irritate me. I have even been considering getting a new servant. One that isn't so gloomy all the time.”

Merlin jerkily shrugged his shoulders. “It certainly wouldn't bother me if you did.” Sarcasm filled his voice.

Arthur threw his hands in the air and raised his eyes upward.

“You're impossible Merlin! You've been like this ever since the dragon attacked.” He stared intently at Merlin, whose scrubbing had intensified. “Is that what's bothering you? Everyone's safe now that the dragons' dead, and Camelot is being rebuilt. There's nothing to worry about now.”

“That's not what's bothering me.”

“Then what is?”

The prince stared thoughtfully at his servant for a moment. Realization flickered in Arthur's eyes and he shook his head.

“Merlin, please don't tell me this is about that Dragonlord.”

Merlin gripped the armor tightly and fought to control his emotions. He couldn't have Arthur guessing about who Balinor really was. As much as he wanted to tell him, he knew he couldn't. He swallowed his tears and shook his head. “No, of course it's not.”

As hard as he tried to control it, his voice shook a little as he spoke.

“Why is that still bothering you?” Arthur questioned.

“It's not!” Merlin snapped.

“Well, obviously not!” Arthur growled, angrily gripping the back of the chair he was standing behind.

Merlin doggedly kept on scrubbing. Arthur heaved a sigh. Slowly, he walked over to Merlin and sat on the bench next to him.

“Stop.” He said, gesturing with his chin toward Merlin's furious scrubbing. Merlin kept at it though, afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself if he stopped.

“Merlin,” Arthur warned, but he didn't let up.

“Merlin, I said stop!” Arthur grabbed the rag from Merlin's hand and stuffed it in his pocket before the boy could take it back.

Silence filled the room.

Merlin stared fixedly at the armor, unwilling to look Arthur in the eyes. Arthur kept his gaze on the floor, thinking of what to say.

“Do you remember what I told you that day we came back to Camelot, after the Dragonlord died?”

Merlin nodded quickly, his lips pressed together.

“I meant it, and it's true. No man is worth your tears. In times of war, men are going to die. It can't be stopped. And your tears aren't going to help anything. Merlin, I understand that you have had very little experience with battle and bloodshed. But it's time you start getting used to the reality of it, harsh as it may be. So, stand up tall and be strong. That's what my father has always told me, and it's what I'm telling you now. Alright?”

Merlin nodded silently again. His heart felt like it was being ripped in two. And Arthur didn't even care.

Against his will, a single tear slipped from his eye. He tried to turn his head before Arthur could see it, but he was too slow.

“Are you serious Merlin?” Arthur's voice had an edge of frustration to it.

Merlin could feel Arthur glaring at the back of his head in a way that was very unnerving. He jumped up and strode to the window.

“Why can't you just get over this?” Arthur asked. “You barely even knew the Dragonlord.”

Merlin gritted his teeth against the tears the threatened to spill over. He barely even knew Balinor, his own father, before he died. Arthur had no idea, the big, fat, clotpole of a simpleton. But of course he couldn't know. He would tell his father, Uther would kill Merlin, and Arthur would never fulfill his destiny, or Merlin his. So Merlin wouldn't say anything. Swiftly wiping the tears from his eyes, he turned to face Arthur.

“You're right Arthur. It's not a big deal.” It almost killed him to say it, but he had no choice.

Arthur pondered over Merlin for a moment, looking for sincerity. Merlin managed a convincing smile.

“Alright. That's more like it.” The prince said, smiling back. “Now, I think you've done a good enough job on that armor, so why don't you go muck out the horses stalls?”

It's just one chore after another, isn't it? Merlin bowed mockingly. “Whatever you say, Prince Prat.”

He marched out of the room, closing the doors to Arthur's frustrated cry of “MERLIN!”

* * *

Merlin dragged his tired feet down the hall to his and Gaius' chambers. Carefully and quietly, he opened the door and slipped inside.

“Are you here Gaius?” He called. No reply.

He leaned against the closed door and sighed in relief. He hadn't had a moments peace all day. After his near breakdown in Arthur's chambers, he had been bogged down with chores and errands for both the prince and Gaius. Not to mention the things nearly everyone else in the castle had asked him to do.

But now Arthur had had enough of him, Gaius was helping a patient, and Merlin was finally alone. Though he wasn't sure he wanted to be.

He had purposely kept himself thoroughly busy over the last week. He didn't want to think about the dragon's attack, or anything else that happened. It felt like it was too much for him to handle. And he'd done well not thinking about it until Arthur said something to him this morning. All that day, it had been nagging at the back of his mind. Every little thing reminded him of it. But he had to admit it didn't feel totally bad to think about.

Hesitatingly, he stepped over to the windowsill where he had left the dragon his father had carved for him. He picked it up and let his fingers run over its lines and curves. Memories of the short but precious time he had spent with his father went through his mind. Learning he was alive. Meeting him and introducing himself to him. Learning he was a Dragonlord. The carving. Then the attack. The sword. All the blood. His father saying he was proud of him. Then breathing his last.

Merlin shook his head, trying to get rid of the images, but he couldn't. His father was actually dead and he couldn't get away from that.

Anger flared suddenly inside of him. Why had he been taken from him so quickly? Was it so wrong for Merlin to finally meet his father? Clutching the dragon in one hand, he paced across the floor, telling himself to calm down. That just made the anger burn hotter, and with it the power inside him rose. Furiously, he slammed his hand against the wall, his magic flashing out of him. The room shuddered beneath it.

He stood there, his hand against the wall, his gasps for air the only noise to speak of. He didn't feel angry anymore. Just a horrible, deep grief. He blinked and a tear ran down his cheek. Couldn't he have had just a little more time? Another tear followed the first. A shuddering sigh that was closer to a sob escaped his mouth. He backed up to the nearest chair and sunk into it. Grasping the dragon with both hands he looked at it through his tears. It was all he had left of his father. But it was better than nothing.

A knock sounded from the door, interrupting his thoughts. Though it was quiet, Merlin jumped at the unexpected noise. He didn't do anything, unsure if he should ask who it was, or just ignore them. Before he could make up his mind, the door opened. Gwen poked her head in through the crack and spotted Merlin. She smiled.

“Hello Merlin. Is Gaius here?”

Merlin leaped out of his chair, hiding the dragon behind his back so Gwen couldn't see it. He shook his head.

“No, he's out with a patient. Can, can I get you something?” He stammered. His voice was thick from crying, and tears still blurred his vision. Maybe she won't notice, He thought.

“Arthur asked me to get the king his medicine.” She said slowly. Concern furrowed her brow and she took a step closer to Merlin.

“Is everything alright?”

Of course she noticed. Nothing ever got past Gwen. He nodded and summoned up a weak smile.

“Everything's fine. Um, I think Gaius has it prepared. It should be over here somewhere...” He swiveled around, shoving the dragon as gently as he could into his pocket, and walked over to the table where Gaius had put Uther's medicine.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, and rummaged around the bottles, his emotions making his hands shake. He had to get control of himself. Gwen couldn't know anything about... He knocked one of the glass bottles off the table and onto the stone floor, instantly shattering it. Gaius wouldn't be happy about that. He grunted in frustration and bent down to clean it up.

Hopefully it wasn't anything important, something that he would get in trouble for. The last thing he needed today was to get reprimanded over some silly...

A hand touched his shoulder, interrupting his jumbled thoughts. “Let me get it.”

He looked up into Gwen's face. Her kind smile pulled at her lips and lightened her eyes. He rose up and stepped aside, nodding his thanks. He couldn't look at her any longer, so he turned back to the table and searched through the bottles with more careful hands. Gwen's very presence made his emotions harder to control. There was something about her that made him want to tell her everything. But he wouldn't tell her. He couldn't.

Finally, he found the right bottle. “Here it is,” he said, handing it over to Gwen who had finished cleaning up his mess.

“Thank you.” She said. She looked at Merlin for a moment, studying his red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. “What's wrong, Merlin?”

Her gentle voice picked at his resolve and brought the tears back to his eyes. “It's nothing Gwen.” He mumbled, dropping his eyes to the floor.

“I know something's wrong. You haven't been your self lately. You can tell me, you know you can.”

He struggled with what to do for a moment. He was so tired of keeping secrets from everyone. He could tell Gwen, couldn't he? She would never tell Uther. He looked back up at her caring face, opening his mouth to speak. Then closed it again. If he told her, it would put her in danger. If Uther somehow ever found out because of it, Merlin would surely be put to death, and Gwen with him.

“It's nothing.” He said it with conviction this time.

Gwen knew he wasn't going to say more, so she nodded her consent.

“Alright then.” She said quietly.

A real smile lifted the corners of his mouth. She smiled back, but her face quickly grew serious again as she looked at him.

“Merlin, I understand that you feel like you can't tell me this. But I want you to know that I am more than willing to listen to you. Whatever your problem is. And I speak for Arthur too, even though he doesn't act like it. We're your friends. And as long as you have us, you're never alone.”

She reached over, and gently grasped his hand.

Tears pricked at his eyes as he listened to her. It took him a moment to regain control, but a smile finally broke through.

“Thanks Gwen.” He whispered.

She smiled back at him again. Giving his hand a last comforting squeeze, she turned and left the chambers, closing the door carefully behind her.

* * *

After a hard day's work, Gaius and Merlin were eating their supper. The silence that permeated the room had only been broken by the muffled sound of chewing and the occasional request for something to be passed over.

Merlin kept his gaze firmly fixed on his food. He just wanted to finish his meal, and go to bed. The day had been long and trying, and he was ready for it to end.

Gaius had kept looking up at Merlin, studying his somber face. He had wanted to speak to him all evening, but was waiting for the right time. But now was as good a time as any, he supposed.

“Merlin,” he began.

For the first time that evening, Merlin glanced up at him.

“Yes Gaius?” He asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. He felt rather ashamed at the lack of self control he had shown that day. He knew that's what Gaius was going to talk about. He'd say no one could ever know about his father, or who he was, or who Merlin was. So he looked back down at this food, unwilling to look him in the eyes.

Gaius took a moment to think of the right words.

“I spoke to Gwen this afternoon. She knew something was bothering you, but said you were unwilling to talk about it. Did she speak to you sometime today?”

Merlin nodded. Seeing that he wouldn't get anything else out of him, Gaius continued.

“I told her that you've been going through some difficult times lately. She wanted me to remind you that she was there for you. Arthur said something similar to me as well. He said that you were a good friend, and that he didn't want you to feel that you were alone.”

Merlin smiled through his tears. “Arthur said that?”

Gaius nodded gravely. “He meant it too. Even though you cannot tell Gwen and Arthur exactly what's wrong, you can let them be there for you.” Gaius smiled a bit, and put his hand on Merlin's. “Just as I am here for you.”

Merlin showed his thanks through a crooked grin. A tear slid from his eye as he looked at Gaius, struggling to find the words.

“I know they're there for me. And I know you are too Gaius. Just as you've always been.” He swallowed, trying to bring his emotions in check. “It really means a lot to me.” More gratitude than he could put into words shown in his eyes.

“And I always will be there, no matter what.”

Gaius gave Merlin's hand an affectionate pat. “You'd better finish your supper. It's getting late, and you've got a lot to do tomorrow.”

Gaius rose from his chair and began preparing for bed. Merlin was left sitting alone at the table, but not feeling alone at all. 

WOW!!! I feel like this moves a little too fast. But it's old and it's late and yeah. I hope you managed to enjoy it! Have a great week everyone! :D

 MR

"Broken But Still Good" (A Big Hero 6 Fanfiction)

Hey all!!
   How's your week been?
   I went shopping with my mom a few days back and bought my first pair of Converse. And, I, I'm so happy about it I had to tell you all. I just love them so much... *Cradles shoes to chest*
   But yeah. I said I would have a fanfic for you guys, and a fanfic I do haz. This one does require a bit of explaining though.

I have no idea how to make a fanfic cover....

   This takes place in the "Family of Two AU" of Big Hero 6. Which is basically Tadashi and Hiro's parents die a little later on in the story, so the brothers are a little older. Tadashi is actually old enough to become Hiro's legal gaurdian, and that's exactly what he does after the car accident that kills their parents. And so he's basically struggling to support them and they're both just trying to survive and all of this sad junk. But then Hiro gets into bot-fighting. And he gets arrested a few times. And then he gets taken away and put into the foster care system. And yeah. Even sadder.
   That's where my story begins.
   But first, here's a link to my pin of the headcanon made by murphy-starr on tumblr that inspired all of this. (That's a bit of a tongue twister). You can find it here.
   And now, I will share my fanfiction with you all. It's not too long this time, haha! XP

Broken But Still Good

BH6 Fanfiction

Hiro pressed his face up against the window,watching the world go by at what felt like a snail's pace.

  Can't this car go any faster?? He wondered, gripping the edge of the window so hard his knuckles turned white.

  They'd had to make the visitation for 5:00 in the evening so Tadashi could make it after work. Hiro had tried to keep himself busy during the day, but the wait had nearly killed him. He would sit down to work on his homework or tinker on a project, but find himself unable to do anything except stare at the clock hanging over his tiny desk. And stare. And stare some more. Until he was ready to drive himself back to his and Tadashi's apartment and forget waiting.

  "You doing alright back there, Hiro?"

  Hiro's gaze darted to the rearview mirror, where he could see Mr. Mamoru's eyes peering curiously back at him. He gave the anxious boy a warm smile that Hiro gave a weak attempt at returning.

  "Yeah," He muttered, looking quickly back at the scenery rushing past him. If he remembered right, the park was somewhere on this street. They'd be there any minute.

  Of course, he could be wrong. He hadn't been to this park since he was little, back when his mom and dad were still alive. After the accident, Tadashi was always too busy to take him. But that might have changed eventually, except that Hiro had messed everything up. He just had to go to that last bot-fight. He told himself they needed the money, that no cops were going to come. Boy, was he ever wrong.

  Blinking away the burn in his eyes, he crossed his arms over his chest. He was tired of messing up. There was no way he was ever going to...

  The gentle squeaking of brakes and the swift turn of the car broke through Hiro's thoughts. He sat up as far as he could, seat belt snapping against his chest in protest. There was the rusty old playground equipment, the two swings, the park bench.... And Tadashi.

  Hiro unbuckled his seatbelt and put his hand in the door handle.

  "What are you doing?!" Mr. Mamoru demanded as the door swung open. He pressed his foot down on the brake, but Hiro had already jumped out.

 "Give us a minute!" Hiro shouted as he ran down the parking lot. He leaped over the curb, heart racing, breath coming in short gasps.  

  Tadashi looked away from the playground he had been aimlessly staring at towards the commotion. When he saw the short figure stampeding towards him, nearly tripping over his shoelaces, hoodie flapping in the breeze, messy hair flipped out of his face, he turned completely around.

  Hiro ran straight into the open arms of his brother. The force of his landing nearly knocked Tadashi over. He planted his green Converse a little firmer in the grass, letting out a strangled chuckle.

  "Hey, Hiro." He choked past Hiro's stranglehold on his neck. Hiro responded by gripping his brother even tighter and burying his face into Tadashi's shoulder.

  They held onto each other for a moment, soaking in the other's company that they had both missed so desperately over the last two weeks.

  Tadashi pulled away from the embrace to speak and to catch his breath.

  "So, how's it been?" He asked with a smile. Hiro shrugged, keeping a tight grip on Tadashi's shoulders and his gaze on the ground.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Tadashi demanded. He tried to get a look into Hiro's face, but his black mane of hair kept it hidden.

  "N-nothing," Hiro stammered. Tadashi's eyes narrowed as he watched his younger brother chew nervously on his lower lip.

  "If the Mamoru's haven't been treating you right..." He said, beginning to rise from his position on the grass with steely eyes set on the Mamoru's car.

  "Nonono, they have!" Hiro protested. He pulled his brother back down before he could finish getting up."They've been really good to me, I swear."

  Hiro had finally looked up. Tadashi could see the honesty in his eyes, though his focus was more on the tears that were swiftly filling them.

  "Then what's wrong?" Tadashi asked, brow furrowed in concern.

  Hiro shook his head silently and blinked away the moisture.

  The last thing Tadashi wanted to do was push his little brother and make him angry. Not after everything he'd been through already. So he decided let Hiro's unwillingness to speak slide this time.

  "Why haven't they come out here?" He asked, gesturing to where Mr. Mamoru and the social worker waited in their cars.

  "I told them to give us a minute."

  Tadashi smirked."You told them, huh? Didn't ask nicely or anything like that?"

  Hiro glanced back up at his brother, a smiling lifting his lips. "I told them as nicely as I could."

  Tadashi snorted. "Yeah, of course you did."

  He looked quietly into the face of his younger brother for a moment, wanting to tease him about how long his hair had gotten and tell him that he looked taller or ask him why he looked so tired. But he didn't say any of this.

  "The apartment sure is quiet without you." He muttered.

  Hiro's smile disappeared. He sighed heavily, removing his hands from Tadashi's shoulders and shoving them into the pockets of his hoodie. He glanced up at Tadashi through his thick eyelashes.

  "Yeah, well, life pretty much stinks without you."

  These words felt like a punch to the gut. Tadashi swallowed, unable to wrench his gaze away from his little brother's sad eyes.

  "Hiro... I am so sorry. After everything you've been through, I should have, I should have tried harder. I should have known what you were doing, I should have done-"

  "Stop, Tadashi." Hiro's quiet but firm voice silenced the flow of words. He looked away from his brother again.

  "None of this is your fault." He whispered. Tadashi blinked.

  "Hiro, don't be ridicu-"

  "I'm not!" Hiro exclaimed, gaze shooting back up to his brother's. "The only reason I got taken away is because of how stupid I am."    

  "Wait a minute." Tadashi held up a hand to silence him. Hiro acted like he didn't even hear him.

  "I could have stopped going bot-fighting and none of this would have happened. I could have! But I liked it. It was fun and exciting, and it gave us some extra income. I thought I could dodge the police, I thought I could keep you from finding out. I didn't want to stop..."

  Hiro grabbed two fistfuls of his hair, his face twisted with emotion.

  "Everything fell apart so fast. I, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell you, but then police came and..."

   His voice broke. A tear ran down his cheek followed swiftly by a second. He bit down on his lip, struggling to control himself. He hadn't planned on breaking down like this. But he really hadn't slept much the past two weeks, and this nightmare really was all his fault...

  Before Hiro realized what was happening, Tadashi wrapped his arms around his little brother and pulled him back to his chest.

  Hiro tried to pull away, but Tadashi's hold on him was too tight.

  "What are you doing?" Hiro questioned.

  "I'm not letting you do that." Came Tadashi's muffled reply.

  "Do what?!"

  Why did his brother have to be so confusing sometimes?

  "I'm not letting you blame yourself."

  Hiro snorted out a laugh. "It's all my fault! Who else do you want me to blame?"

  "No one."

  Tadashi pulled away just enough to look Hiro in the eyes. They were red-rimmed, confused, angry, guilty.

  "It was my fault too."

  Hiro opened his mouth to protest, but one look from Tadashi kept him quiet.

  "You might have been the one to do the actual bot-fighting, but I'm your legal guardian. More importantly, I'm your big brother. I should have done whatever it took to get you to stop. Even if it meant me losing a couple nights of sleep or taking a few days off of work. So you can't take all of the blame on yourself."

  Hiro's wide eyes stared into Tadashi's, a thousand emotions flitting across his face. After a moment, he heaved a shuddering sigh and nodded.

  "I guess you're right." He whispered.

  A grin lifted the corners of Tadashi's mouth.

  "Of course I am, knucklehead." He said, vigorously rubbing his fist on the top of Hiro's hair. Hiro shoved his hand away, a faint smile growing on his face.

  The sound of two car doors slamming shut turned the brother's attention to the approaching forms of Mr. Mamoru and the social worker. Their time was almost up.

  "Are we going to have to do this forever?" Hiro asked quietly. His pleading gaze burned into his brother.

  "No," Tadashi replied confidently. "There's no way I'm going to let them keep you for that long. But we're going to have to wait a little while to get everything figured out. You think you can do that?"

  Hiro nodded. "I won't give up on you if you won't give up on me."

  Tadashi chuckled. "Sounds like a plan."

  The two brothers rose up from the ground to meet the two approaching figures, ready to take on whatever challenges in front of them. And willing to wait as long as it took for their family of two to be restored.

   Thank you all for reading!!! It really means a lot. :) And comments and suggestions are suuuuper appreciated. Since no one else has ever read this fanfic just like the last one I posted.
   Probably for the next 2-3 weeks I'll be posting pictures of our trip to the coast. I think it'll be mostly pictures so I'm not overloading you all, hehheh. And I won't be posting all of the 1000+ pictures I took on said trip since we would be here a lot longer than two weeks.
   Until then, have a wonderfilled week! :D

MR

P.S. Here's a bonus illustration for my fanfic.....

I don't know why I post art anywhere. Look at this disaster.

  And a bonus-bonus illustration of an angry sick Hiro..... (Why is this turning into an art dump? Why can't I stop drawing Big Hero 6 stuff??)

And I'm done now. :)