Thought Process: Pieces

I think it's so funny.
   There are things that a person keeps to themselves. Some parts of them that are so deeply ingrained into them, some parts that define who they are, some parts that are so deeply personal. Parts that hurt, parts that are dark, parts that reveal too much of themselves. Parts that you feel like you can't share with another soul because then they would know every piece of you, what makes you you. Parts that you don't even fully understand yourself.
   But sometimes, you have to do something with these pieces. And since you can't share them, you write them down, You journal, you keep a diary, whatever you want to call it. It feels good to get them out there, to get them off of you and onto something else. You've shared them without actually sharing them.
  That's the part that's so funny to me. We can't share these pieces, because then someone would know us, who we actually are beneath whatever it is we present to people. Instead of sharing them with someone we trust, we put them in a place where anyone could pick it up and read it. Why is the latter okay, and not the former?
   Maybe that's it, though. Maybe there's something more okay with someone knowing, then having to explain it to someone. But maybe you just need to put the pieces somewhere, and the best you can do is write it down and hope that no one finds it. Maybe. I don't know.
   I just think it's funny.

This is short, and dramatic, and a little strange, but it's been on my mind. Sorry if it's confusing. 
MR

Thought Process: Humility and the Over-Abundance of it

Humility is a very important thing in life.
   Pride can so easily prevent you from making that decision you need to make. It can prevent you from doing that thing you know you need to do. It can keep you from reaching out to that person you know you need to reach out to. Thusly, many a sermon and many a blog post on pride has been preached on and and written about. And rightly so, seeing as how we all struggle with pride from time to time.
   But I'm writing this post for those of us who don't. For those of us who, as a matter of fact, struggle with the exact opposite thing. You could say that we have a little too much humility. Or to put it a little more bluntly, we think lowly of ourselves. I'm writing this for those of us who think we aren't worth much or that we could never be good enough. I'm writing this for myself. I'm writing this for anyone who thinks and feels the same way I do. So if you wouldn't mind, please take a moment and listen to what I have to say. Take a seat, get comfortable. I want to talk to you as personally as you will let me.
   Comfortable? Good, I'm glad. Now, there are a few things I want to say in regards to this issue of self worth that I've been thinking about lately. I know you're a busy person, so I'll make it quick.
  To start things off, I feel like the only way I'm going to be able to approach this post correctly is to talk about what you might call "the cliche answer" first.
   I want you to remember that no matter how you feel about yourself, no matter what others tell you, you are good enough. Why? Well, because God made you good enough. Jesus loved you so much and believed in what he created so much that he willingly gave his life on the cross for you. God made you with a very specific purpose and plan in mind, a plan that only you are able to complete and no one else. Don't try and tell yourself otherwise, because it's true.
   That's the most important thing to remember. But the other thing I want you to think about and consider, is that in a way, you aren't good enough. You're probably either freaking out right now or grinning and nodding because you know where I'm going with this. Without God, none of us are good enough. Without God we could never hope to be what we're supposed to be, there would be no point in living. So aside from remembering my first point, I want you to think about this one. Try to use how you feel about yourself, use those insecurities and that low self-esteem in what could be called a positive light. Remember that the only way you could ever be good enough is with God. Without Him, you aren't good enough. So use those feelings as a stepping stone to get closer to God, to realize more and more how much you need Him.
   And also, please remember that you are awesome, and lovely, and great and there are so many people who love you and I love you and yeah. :)
   That's the end of the post. I told you it was short, didn't I?
   So yes. That's all for now, but I will see you again on Friday! Keep pluggin' along, my friend, and have a wonderful rest of your week.
   MR

Thought Process: Decisions

I let people's decisions affect me far too much. 

   People are always, always going to make bad decisions. They have from the beginning of time, and they will continue to do so until the world ends. People will always be inconsiderate, people will always be ignorant, people will always be selfish. No matter how much I wish I could stop it, no matter how hard I try to stop it, they always will. 

   There is nothing I can do. 

   And I'm trying to accept that. 

   But I'm done letting those bad decisions affect me. I'm done letting people's inability to deal with their own emotions, their ignorance, their constant wallowing in the mire to drag me down with them. Even if those people are unable, excuse me, unwilling to rise above their struggles, rise above their darkness, get themselves out of the mud and be the best person they can be, I'm not going to be affected by it anymore. 

   I'm done. 

   No more. 

   I am going to be the one who is willing, who wants to face up to my fears, my darkness. I am going to be the one to fight what's inside me, to fight the voices who want me to stay in the mud. I am going to grab hold of the rope of salvation, and I am not going to wallow anymore. I will not bury my fears and darkness, I will not be content to push my emotions, my sins, my struggles aside, bury them beneath something else, pretend they don't exist. Even if other people, people who are close to me are doing the same thing I'm trying not to do, even if things are taken away that make it harder to fight, i will fight. I am not going to make decisions I regret anymore. I am not going to be angry and bitter, I will not look back on my life and wish I had let myself live more, wish I had been a better adversary to my evil, to my darkness, to the evil and darkness in the world. God help me, I am going to stand up, rise above the mud everyone else seems to love so much in spite of how they complain about it, and I am going to be the person He wants me to be.  The person He made me to be. Even if it is harder than anything I have ever done and all of my darkness and fears are going to fight me with everything they have.  Even if no one else is willing, I am. 

   I'm sick of it. 

   I'm sick of not being who I'm supposed to be, I'm sick of not helping people how I want to, sick of not being who I know I'm supposed to be, sick of others chaining me down with their bad decisions. 

   No more. 

   I will still fail. But I am going to fight with every ounce of strength I have, every ounce of strength God gives me and I am going to be who I am supposed to be. I will still try to help those people who don't want to get up, oh yes I will. But I will no longer be what I'm not supposed to be because of them, for them. I will fight, even if they won't. And I will pray that they will see that it isn't that hard to get up, if you're just willing to take a step, willing to face your darkness. I will face mine and I will light a candle for others to face theirs. 

MR

    

Thought Process: Ecclesiastes

   Have any of you ever read Ecclesiastes all the way through? Have you ever just sat down and read it, studied every word and verse and really thought about it?
   That's what I did today. Well, technically yesterday, since I'm writing this the day before.
   I've loved Ecclesiastes for a long time. I've been re-reading it recently, a chapter every once in awhile when I felt like I needed it. But yesterday I really needed it, and I started from the beginning and read all the way through in one day. Which was definitely one of the better choices I've made in my life.
   One thing I've recently learned and am awed by is that, apparently, some "scholars" think that the book comes across as cynical, as if the writer had lost his faith in God. Which I personally think is one of the biggest hunks of garbage I've ever heard of.
   Lemme tell you why.
   I used to love Ecclesiastes, even before I was saved. Because even then, when I was so young, I wondered why we were here and if it was all just some big, stupid game. And Ecclesiastes showed me that there was more than that.
   And now that I'm reading it again, knowing more about myself and who I am and still having those same old thoughts among many others... I almost couldn't believe what I was reading.
   These aren't the words of a cynic. They're the words of a man who is pouring out his darkest fears on paper, his harshest realizations. He also wonders why we're here, he wonders why we spend all of our time on these things that won't even mean anything later on. He wonders the same things I wonder, the things other people wonder as well.
   And he gives a solution that every single person in this world who is struggling with depression, the meaning of life, their own thoughts and insecurities, just every person in general needs. We're here to live our life to the fullest, to seek out a higher wisdom, and to love and fear God with all of our hearts. This is what our purpose is. This is how we will impact people. This is how we will be remembered.
   This is one of the two main reasons I love Ecclesiastes. The other one is this.
   I often feel like no one understands me. That if I were to actually open up my heart and mind, that people would just look at with confusion, call me crazy, tell me to stop. I feel like I'm the only one who thinks this way. That's why whenever I find someone or the product of someone else that thinks like this, I cling onto it tightly and with such passion. It's because I've found someone who actually understands me, who I can actually relate with on a non-empathetic level. That's something very, very special to me.
   And that's why I love Ecclesiastes. Not only is it something I can relate to in that same way, but it's something that God himself put into the Bible. Of course I know that God knows me better than anyone else ever could. But the fact that he put something that I could relate to on such a personal level, in a world where I often feel like a freak for thinking the way I do, touches me in a way I can't really explain. He's showing me and people like me, the thinkers, the feelers, that it's okay to think this way. He's showing us an answer to our questions. He's telling us to live well and to fear Him.
   Because that's what life's all about. It's all about living and fearing God, and helping as any people toward this path as we can.
   And the fact that God himself knows how I think, that He knows how confusing and hard it is, that He knows that I feel like I am completely alone sometimes. The fact that He knows all of this and He put this book specifically in the Bible for a reason so that people like me would come along and read it and know that they're not alone...
   That makes it so much easier for me to accept and love myself, to step forward with hope for a brighter day in my heart, and to know that with God, I am never, ever alone.
   So reader. Thinker. Feeler. Dreamer. I challenge you this week to sit down and read straight through Ecclesiastes. I don't care if you're a Christian or not. I challenge you to go and do it. And I promise you that it will make you feel a lot less alone if you do.

MR

Thought Process: Emotions

Let's get this out of the way.
   I am an extremely emotional person. I mean, I feel everything. Even stupid things. If I step on a flower, a pang of guilt shoots through me that I ended something so innocent. I still feel guilty if I can't keep all of my stuffed animals on my bed. Now I'm sitting here thinking about the two tubs of stuffed animals sitting in the garage alone in the cold and I'm feeling guilty.
   I am attached to everything. If something tragic happens to someone, I can imagine what it feels like. If someone's upset or having a down day, I can tell. Sometimes I can tell if someone walking by me in the store is having a bad day. You might think I'm crazy or exaggerating, but it's true. It's weird, I know, but I ain't lyin' to you.
   I feel everything. 
   But I don't often show it.
  And you know, sometimes all of those emotions, along with the ones you have of your own, can really bottle up inside of you.
   Now let's talk about other people.
   Other people have gone through some real junk in their lives. Some real hard-core junk that no one should ever have to go through, but that's how life is, and we just have to keep climbing upward, but that's a different post for a different day.
   Other people just have a hard time getting through this life. When you feel like you're drowning in yourself and your scared of everything, but most of all what's inside of you, that really drags you down to the point where you don't want to get up anymore.
   And that kind of stuff can really bottle up inside of you. It can get to where you feel rotten to your core and you don't know where to go or where to turn to, and you're scared and angry and you don't know what to do.
   In our society today, people are all about gettin' mad. Everyone's always offended about something, everyone's always mad about some "hate crime" or some "injustice". And the media loves it. People love it. The world loves false emotions and something they can rally behind and cheer for and put on a mask of false passion, when really they have no passion for it. As soon as the next "injustice" comes along they're running after that with guns blazing.
   Meanwhile, the people who are hurting, the people who actually have a reason to get mad are thrown to the side.
   And you know what else? Our society is all for being yourself and finding who you truly are.We're all for the homosexuals and showing them support and helping out the "transgenders" and all of that crap. But they really don't care about the people who actually need help. The ones who are deeply hurt and confused and don't have anyone to turn to. We just send them to a therapist and tell them to take these pills and they'll be fine. When that doesn't' actually help the real problem at all.
   And one day, the neglected people who have been rotting inside for so long, the ones who actually need the help that we are so willing to give to everyone else... They finally snap. They lose it. They freak out and scream and holler and let out some of the emotions that have been festering inside of them for so long. If we're lucky, that is. Some of these people have had too much. They reach the conclusion that no one actually cares about them, that they're just crazy, that they're just worthless, and they kill themselves.
    Oh, and guess what the world thinks of that.
   They are horrified. It's so sad that girl would do that, so embarrassing that guy did that. They shed a few tears, utter a few exclamations and shrug it off, giving their children a firm reminder to never, ever do such unspeakable things.
   When the only reason they did was because no one cared about them enough to take the time to help them!!!!!!
   This is horrible, is it not? But you know what's even worse?!
   CHRISTIANS DO THE EXACT SAME THING
   Dang it all, we are supposed to be the ones that are helping these people, we're supposed to be the ones with the answers, and you know what we do instead?? We step back, horror filling our eyes, holding a hand over our righteous hearts.
    We feel violated when someone screams a little bit, when someone shouts a little bit. We're disgusted at the things teenagers and the rest of the suffering people of the world are doing and saying and dressing and listening to. Oh, don't our hearts break when we hear about that poor boy who took his own life? Maybe if his parents had spanked him more as a kid or guarded him better that wouldn't have happened. So we build a higher wall around ourselves to keep all of the gross things out and pump our kids with some more good Christian things to make ourselves feel better.
   When someone we know says that they're depressed or have anxiety, our lungs freeze with shock and we wonder if that person is really saved. Because surely you can't be a Christian and have those kind of problems. Only people without the Lord have those kind of struggles.
   So we grab our kids by the hand and hightail it out of there as fast as we can before it starts spreading to us.
   Because that's exactly what Jesus did when they threw the woman caught in adultery at his feet, when he found the demon possessed man in Galilee, when the thief next to him on the cross asked Jesus to remember him in heaven, when his closest friends in the world ran away and Peter denied him three times, when the man who had killed countless Christians was laying prostrate on the road to Damascus.
   What in the heck am I trying to say in all of this??
   I'm trying to say that people are so afraid of emotions. Just take a look at this: Don't yell at your mother, Tommy, don't talk to the guy with tattoos and piercings, Jimmy, why don't you ever leave your room, Sally? 
   People, especially parents, say these things all of the time. We don't want to be around those kind of people,  And then when Tommy hits his mom and runs away, and Jimmy ends up doing drugs and living on the street, and Sally kills herself, we wonder why.
   We shake our heads at the sobbing shoulders of their mothers and the shaking hands of their fathers and we say they should have sheltered their kids more. Because surely it wasn't because the kids were confused and hurting and lost. They went to a good conservative church all of their lives and listened to good preaching every Sunday and Wednesday. They didn't need anyone to take them under their wing and tell them it was alright they were feeling this way and that they were willing to help them figure out why and show them they way out of it. Because they were around good, godly things all of the time, weren't they??
   Am I saying that it's okay for you to listen to death metal and get tattoos and piercings and yell at your mom because you're trying to figure yourself out?
   No, absolutely not!!!
   What I am saying is that the world and we as Christians are, like I said earlier, afraid of emotions. We're afraid of pain and hurting, and boy, are we really scared of things like depression and anxiety and self harm and all of the things that kids and adults are wrestling with today. What we aren't realizing, is sometimes the first step to fixing the problem is screaming and shouting and crying a little bit, whether it's at someone, by yourself, or maybe even with someone in person or in a song, and getting rid of some of the rottenness inside of you so you can start finally getting to the root of the problem. But all we want to do is skip over that first step and get straight to the next one. Because we're afraid of the dark parts inside of us, and instead of finding them and fighting them, we ignore them and hope it's "just a phase."
   So let me end with this. Scream a little. Shout a little. Let your kid do it if they need to. And when they've gotten it out, then get to the root of the problem.
   Because if we'd all stop being so afraid of emotions, the things God gave us as humans, one of the things that make us different than animals and a little more like God himself, those really important things that oddly enough no one likes...
   Maybe the world wouldn't be quite so messed up.

MR

((Sorry this post is such a train wreck. I didn't think it would be right if it was any cleaner.))

Thought Process: Words

Let me ask you.
   Have you ever wondered if life would be easier if we didn't have to talk? If we didn't have to always think of the right thing to say, and the right way to say it, and the right time to say it, maybe life would go a little more smoothly.
   When people lie to you, or when you lie to other people, when words come out that you didn't mean to speak, when you can't say the words that you so desperately want or even need to say... Wouldn't it be easier if we didn't even have to say them at all?

   What if there was a different way to communicate besides using words?
   What if instead, we were able to share our raw emotions? What if through a single touch, you could tell someone all of the things you've wanted to say for so long, but have never been able to find the courage to voice, or have never been able to find the right words to say?
 Think of how different our world would be.
   People couldn't lie anymore. Not unless they avoided human contact for the rest of their lives. You wouldn't have to try and explain the swirling thoughts and emotions roiling around your head. You could just share them, as easy as that.
   It would be a brutally honest world. Is it a world I would want to live in? Maybe. I'm not sure if I'm willing to be that honest.
   Is this more of a Thought Process post, or is it a story idea? I'm not sure on that either. I guess only time will tell if I'm willing to add this to my ever growing story log, or if it's one of those things I write down and never think about again. One of those things I'll just keep wondering about and never know the answer to.

Until next time, thinkers.
MR

Thought Process: Navigating Your Thoughts

Hello, lovely people. :)
   I'm back once again with another blog post, nice and quick after the last one. And it's another Thought Process. Wow, been gettin' a lot of these, hehheh.
   Actually, I have quite a few thought threads that I'm working through and hoping to one day share with you all. I even have a few drafts half written out and waiting to be finished. But some Thought Processes require a bit more thinking, while others are a bit easier to sort through.

   This is one of those latter posts. It's one of those ones that I write up really quick without much forethought, but only because it doesn't require much. In this one, I am going to tell you a little bit on how to deal with your own thought process.
   Okay, so, I don't know how many people know this, but I am a very deep thinker. I'm constantly thinking about deep stuff, which I already explained in my original Thought Process post, so I won't bore you all with explaining it again. :P
   You might not realize I'm that deep of a thinker when you first look at me, or if you only know me on surface level, or even if you're one of my "casual" friends. Even most of my family and other close relations don't realize how deep my thoughts go sometimes. Most of the time I don't even get what in the heck my brain is conjuring up.
   And sometimes those thoughts can get a little tangly, or they can even reach a stage that I like to simply call "Too Deep". Since this actually happens quite often, I have discovered a few ways that work for me to either sort out my thoughts or get them under control. And if you're also a thinker, maybe these can help you out too.
 
   First thing that's helped me, is blogging about my tangled thoughts. This really helps me to get my head focused and sort through what the heck is going on in my mind. It's easier to pay attention on what you're thinking about, and knowing that it has to make sense to other people helps clear it up in your own head.

   Another tangly thought help is finding pins and blog posts and edits and WHATEVER that you relate to, and save them on social media. I.e., repin that one really good pin that describes exactly what you're thinking. Because A.) It's nice to know you're not the only one and B.) You're going to help the next person that sees that and figures out that they're not the only one too.

   And then, when the thoughts reach "Too Deep" stage.
This one, this is a real trickster here. Everyone has their own level of too deep, and sometimes that level can go even further and reach unhealthy levels. But I'm going to save that even higher level for another blog post that is currently in the works. For now, let's simply address the "Too Deep" stage.

   Okay, so first of all, pray about it. I'm gonna bare my soul here and just go ahead and tell you that I struggle with some major self esteem issues and insecurities, along with anxiety and some pretty crummy thoughts in general. And I often feel that I have no one who I want/am willing to share that with. Thus, the best option, even better than sharing it "face-to-face" with someone, is praying. For help, comfort, or even just telling God what your brain is thinking. It helps, peeps. Do it.

Another thing that I do all the time is write out my "Too Deep" thoughts, the ones that I consider too tangled to blog about. I have a little journal that I keep them in. I use different colored pens and washi tape, something that makes it feel really homey. And I write them out. I don't worry about them making sense, I don't worry about them being hopeful or having a "happy ending". I just write them out and let them be what they are, and by the time I'm done I feel... Relieved. Like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Sure, the thoughts are still there, but I feel like writing them out helps me A TON.

And finally, as almost a bit of a sidenote, I thought I'd add that you can (and should sometimes) share those "Too Deep" thoughts with someone else that you trust. You won't always want to do that, but it'll probably make you feel better.

As one last, final sidenote, I'd like to add onto that and say that if you ever DO need to talk to someone, I am totally more than willing to be that someone for you. I'm good at listening, even if I'm not super great at giving advice all of the time, but with a little time and thought I will try my best to help you. :)

And so, we have come to the end of this post that ended up being longer than I had previously anticipated. But here we are. I hope this helped you if you needed it, dear reader.

Until next time.
MR

Thought Process: Testimony

Hey guys!
   So, I think that 'Thought Process Thursday' is going to become a thing. It probably won't be every week, but it might be. Who know. It all depends on if my mind decides to be all weird and deep that week or not. :P
   Last night I was listening to my usual thoughtful, deep music that I listen to (translate that to sad music), and inspiration struck. I'd been wanting to write a poem about my testimony, how I got saved, for awhile now. I've been chewing on the thought for the last few months, thinking of a good rhyming scheme, thinking of how I wanted to word things. And I finally did it last night.

   However, it isn't really a poem. No, actually, it's nothing like a poem. It's just a strange thing that vaguely explains it in my own weird way. So I thought I'd give you all a bit of clarification before I post that.
   I accepted Jesus as my Saviour on August 24th, 2014. I had originally thought that I'd gotten saved when I was younger, about 6 or 7. But God then showed me that wasn't the case.
   I was under conviction for a few months, fighting my need to be saved and my fear of a hopeless life and the even more hopeless death that was sure to follow if I didn't fill that need. I knew I needed to get saved, and I wanted to. But I was scared.
   I was scared about the fact that I hadn't actually been saved this whole time, so I was kind of in denial. Even more than that, I was scared of, well, everyone else around me.
   This is where things get a bit tricky because not even I understand what I was truly afraid of here. I wasn't really scared of people knowing I wasn't saved this whole time, despite the fact that I'd been teaching a kid's class and doing all of these church-things without having a real relationship with the Lord. I was mostly scared of them all paying attention to me.
   I'm the kind of person who likes to fade into the background. I can seem outgoing, but I'm also pretty quiet. No one really realizes how little they know about me, and I like it that way. It's nice. I'm there, but I'm not really deeply connected with anyone.
   Sounds weird, but it's true.
   I knew that if I came forward and got saved, everyone would be looking at me, talking about me, wondering what was wrong.
   And that was what I was scared of. Everyone would be focused on me and I didn't like that.
   Sounds even weirder, but it's also true.
   Hopefully, that all makes some sense and what I'm about to post now does too. If you are confused, you can always ask me about it, I'm not afraid to answer questions. :)
   So, here's the thing...

Testimony

Safety. Comfort. False assurance. Fake peace. Contentment in thinking I knew I was secure. 

Realization. Stabbing guilt, shattering thought. My safety crumbling around me in a thousand ragged pieces, tearing holes into my false cocoon and sending me plummeting downwards. 

Lies. Everything was a lie, all this time, and I didn't even know. All these people that thought I was safe, lied to. I should say something, I should speak, they would only forgive. He would only forgive. But I couldn't. To think I could like to myself for this long, that I believed it. And the people. Everyone would know, everyone would look at me, everyone would talk about me. This scared me more than the abyss I was plunging down.

Darkness. Clawing, cloaking darkness tearing me apart, pulling me, pushing me ever deeper.

Guilt. What have I done, dear God, what have I done? I killed the Light. His blood stains my hands and fills my thoughts and chokes me. I don't want to live with the guilt anymore, I want to be free. But the people, the eyes, the words all hold me back. 

Fear. In an instant death could take me and my decision would be made. I don't want to die in the darkness and be thrown to something far worse. But I can't cry for help. I can't admit my fear, can't admit my struggle. 

Would it be better to die?

No, death would only bring the deeper darkness, darkness with no hope. I need to look up, stop being stupid, stop fighting freedom. But the people scare me, and I stay silent. 

And I fall.

And fall.

The darkness doesn't end. It pulls more and more from me, willing me to give into it, to choose the deeper darkness. But I know that it's worse, and I know looking up is better.

I try it. 

I take a tiny peek at the Light. But the people see me. They see my tears, my fear, they're worried. I don't like them looking at me, their concern scares me more. I'm fine, I'm fine. 

I look back into the abyss.

Better. It's better this way. Maybe I should forget that I'm falling and let the darkness take me. How could I forget, though? I know better than that. I know what happens when you forget. I don't want that.

I fear the deeper darkness, I fear the Light and I'm stuck in between, being dragged downwards by fear. 

I want nothing more than to stop existing.

Tearing. The guilt is tearing me apart into nothingness. The fear soaks into me until that's all there is. I won't want to live in fear, but I do. 

The Light. I need it, more than I fear the people. I need Him.

ENOUGH

I look up. And the people see. They see my tears, they see my fear. They see my broken, shattered soul. I hate it. I hate it almost as much as the darkness, but the darkness is still worse. 

I reach up. Blood and blackness run from my hand, staining my flesh, my clothes, my heart. My sin, His blood. 

The Light reaches down and grabs hold. 

He washes me, pulls me from the darkness and builds me a cocoon stronger than the one I had before could ever hope to be.

But I'm still afraid.

Am I still lying? Is this real? Oh, how I want to be safe, but can I be?

Is. It. Real?

Yes. This time it is real. It was made by the Light. It can never be broken. 

I am safe. 

Safe from the darkness, safe from the fear.

Safe in the Light. 

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See you soon, dear readers.

MR

Life is Weird and So is My Thought Process

Heyo everyone!
   Whomp, look who's late again. Me. It's me. I'm late at posting once again, and I am so sorry! To be honest, I haven't had any spectacular blogging ideas as of late, but I am going to change that. I will be blogging regularly from now on! By the by, if you all have any suggestions or ideas for posts and such that would be fantabulous. :D ((Also, what do you think of the new blog design??? Pretty snazzy? Pretty lame? Tell me, tell me!))

   If you've read the title of this post, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm going to be blogging about today. Well folks. Today you are going to get a little peek into my mind. Or, my thought process and how I think about weird things. I've been kind of toying with the idea of setting aside another day of the week for these kind of (hopefully) shorter posts exploring the dark regions of my psyche, so this is like an experimental test.
   This will either be really exciting or super-dooper lame. But there's no way to know unless you try, am I right?
   So, I kind of get these extremely strange thoughts all the time for no reason. Like, I'll be brushing my teeth and suddenly I'm thinking about how short life is and I'm squandering it on this mundane routine. I mean seriously, this happens all of the time at the strangest moments. The following is one of those thoughts.
   I am 99% sure that most of the people that read my blog are young, as in teens or maybe early twenties. I'm only 16 myself, so that doesn't really come as a surprise. So yeah, a bunch of young people on here, right?
   Okay, good.
   I've recently been pondering the concept of school and high-school in particular. I used to be of the very strong opinion that pretty much everything you learn in high-school is a giant waste of time. I mean seriously, are you going to use any of this stuff ever??? But then I had a thought that thoroughly countered this very strong opinion of mine. The purpose of high-school is to give kids a taste of everything they can do, let them try a few things out so they can find something they enjoy and go do something with it. Which makes sense in the long run, unless you already know what you'd like to do as you get older. Which makes a little less sense, but that's another blog post for another day.
   This thought then led to another one in turn. High-school and school in general are such a small part of life. I mean the average human has a lifespan of 70-80 years, give or take some time depending on health issues and all of that fun stuff. School takes about 13 years from start to finish, including high school which takes 4. In the grand scheme of things, this is a very small part of your life. I mean, 13 out of 80 isn't that long, is it? No it's not.
   Consequently, this time of school also takes up a good part of your childhood. You start school at about 5 years old, and you do it until you're about 18. Boom, childhood gone.
   People put so much emphasis and stress on this time of your life, especially in high school. You've gotta learn all of these things so you can then learn these things and then go and do these things. Everyone always tells you how important school and high-school are, how important your childhood is and how you don't want to squander this time, yadda yadda ya. Do you guys get my point?
   No? Well here. The point is that you still have about, eh, I don't know 60+ years of life left when it's all said and done. And we spend all of our teen and maybe even our childhood years, all 18 of them, stressing about what we're going to do with this huge amount of time while we only have this short time to have some carefree time but we only spend all of this time worrying about what we're going to do with our time and this doesn't make any sense, but good because that's the point.
   I mean, isn't our childhood supposed to be, like, fun? Aren't we supposed to enjoy this carefree part of our life for the short time it lasts?? But instead we worry about how we're going to figure out the rest of our 60+ years???? It don't make no sense!
   Listen, I ain't sayin' you should be one of those YOLO idiots who squanders their teen years on partying and drinking and drugs and ends up ruining what's left of their lives. Be wise, prepare a little, but man! You don't have to get a job when you're 14, you don't have to go to college the moment you finish high-school, you don't have to know exactly what you're going to do with your life the moment you turn 18. I mean, you want to think about it, you want to start planning, but you don't have to have a detailed outline of every step you take from now until you retire. There's nothing wrong with being a fry cook for a little while until while you figure things out and save up a little money. Relax! Because the truth is you do only live once, and a couple years from now you're going to wish you hadn't spent all of your childhood stressing.
   Dang it all, God has a plan and it's hard because you wanna see it, but I promise you that He does have one and that He doesn't want you having anxiety and depression and all of that rotten stuff because you're feeling all of this pressure to plan your entire life out before you even graduate high-school!!!!
   So you know what. Imma tell you what you need to do. You need to exit out of this dumb post, find some old Looney Tunes to watch, grab a Capri-Sun and some mac and cheese, wrap yourself up in a blanket with your favorite stuffed animals and laugh your self silly at the hilarious stunts Bugs Bunny gets into while trying to not spew food and/or drink all over your computer screen. 'Cause this time of your life was made for enjoying so that's what you'd better do with it before it's all gone.

MR