Greetings all!!!!
Shhhoooo, here's the excerpt to my book I said I would be posting!! Well, I really shouldn't be posting it until next week, since I'm not yet to the halfway mark. But I really was sick of putting it off, and I only have a chapter to go. So here it is!
Allow me to give you a brief summary of my novel. First off, it's called
The Secret Key, book one in the "Shadow's Bane" books and the genre is Christian Fantasy. These are both tentative titles, but I really do like them thus far! The story itself is a first person narrative of a young man named Brutan. The village where he lives (which is actually called the Village, heehee), is in the center of an uprising darkness. His father along with his mentor the Master Trainer, recruit Brutan, his best friend Loorarc, and three other young people of the Village to help protect it: Dramduel the blacksmith's son, Gvenney the baker's daughter, and Breeta the orphan girl. They are the beginnings of what the Master Trainer and Brutan's father have dubbed Home Defense. And so basically they have to try and figure each other out while trying to piece together what's going on, and Brutan is trying to help Loorarc and Breeta and everyone else all while trying to save the Village and keep himself from falling apart in the process.
All this to say, I have obviously never written a summary of my book before. And I need to work on that. But if you want more info you can go check out my boards on
Pinterest. I have a lot of boards in general, but I also have a lot for my books. So yeah....
*Clears throat* How about I just dive into the excerpt and if you have any questions you can ask me?
I have decided to share a scene that I am rather proud of. It's this Training scene that involves all of the Home Defense "recruits" I guess you would call them. (Training as this special, er, program that the Village has for teaching young people the art of swordfighting and such.) The beginning is a little abrupt because it's in the middle of a chapter.
Comments and critiques are welcome! And in a word of warning, this is the very-first-super-rough draft. So just be prepared to groan and grimace a little. But without further rambling, here it is!
The Secret Key Excerpt
Copyright Maggie Rice.
“So, why exactly are we here?” Breeta asked. “You
didn't just summon us in the middle of the night to apologize, did
you?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn't. And it's not
exactly the middle of the night.”
Breeta rolled her eyes at this.
“But even if it was, what we're going to do would
be worth it.”
I grinned at the mixture of eagerness and curiosity
on each of their faces. I began to pace back and forth in front of
them with my hands clasped behind my back, putting on a serious look.
“We don't usually do this until later on in your
Training. But considering that the three of you are older than the
average Learner and you're all doing very well, I thought we could
give it a shot. This does require a fair amount of agility and
cunning, speed and stamina, strength and stealth. You might not be up
to the challenge yet, but I thought...”
“Come on Brutan!” Breeta exclaimed. “We're
ready for whatever challenge you give us.”
I tried to cover my returning grin by raising an
eyebrow. “Are you sure? Gvenney and Dramduel, are you sure you're
up to this challenge?”
They both nodded their heads, Gvenney smiling
eagerly.
I shrugged. “If you're all going to be stubborn,
then okay. But don't say I didn't warn you.”
Gvenney did look a little worried at that, but
Breeta's eyes lit up. Dramduel had a good idea of what was happening
from talking to the young Learners of the Village, but he didn't
spoil it for the girls.
“Did any of you notice that red flag hanging
there?” I asked them, pointing to a red strip of cloth suspended
from the grated roof of the the Arena.
“I did.” Breeta said.
“So did I.” Replied Gvenney.
“You're goal is to get that red flag.” I
continued.
Breeta snorted. “That won't be hard. I can reach it
without even standing on my toes.”
“You could,” I continued. “That would be easy
enough. But this is supposed to be a challenge. You have to retrieve
the flag while getting past all eight of the Trainers with nothing
but your sword. Oh, and you'll also have to watch out for certain
obstacles that have been set up along the way.”
“What obstacles?” Breeta asked, glancing around
the empty room.
“They haven't been set up yet. That would be too
easy.” I bit back a grin. These night time sessions were always the
best part of Training. Breeta looked like she was about to burst from
excitement as did Dramduel and myself too, I was sure. Gvenney looked
mostly anxious.
“Here are your swords,” I said, grabbing them
from the bench they were sitting on and tossing them to each of the
Learners.
“We're not going to have any armor?” Gvenney
asked with obvious concern.
“Nope. But the Healer is here in case someone gets
hurt.”
Gvenney gasped, but I didn't give her time to dwell
on this new bit of information.
I put my fingers to my mouth and whistled loudly. The
Trainers appeared from different side halls around the room, swords
and shields in hand and bodies fully armored.
“And did I mention that we would be doing all of
this in the dark?” I asked, drawing my sword and allowing my grin
to break through.
Gvenney's eyes widened in fright and Breeta had just
enough time to exclaim “What?!” before the Trainers had doused
the torches. The Arena was instantly plunged into darkness. Loud
screeching and rumbling echoed around the room as the obstacles were
moved into position. Ominous silence followed the almost unbearable
noise.
“What are we supposed to do?” Gvenney whispered.
“Form a circle with your backs facing inward. And
get into a defensive position.” I whispered back, positioning
myself like I had ordered. Dramduel quickly fell into place at my
side.
“Wait, you're helping us?” Breeta asked a little
too loudly.
“Yes, I am. Now get into place.”
She and Gvenney slid in next to Dramduel and I.
“What do we do now?” Breeta questioned. “We
have no idea where the Trainers are and we can't see anything.”
“Listen.” I said.
“For what?”
“Just listen.”
I took in a lungful of air and held it. My eyes were
closed, my body tensed. I opened my ears and mind and focused on
searching for a sound from the Trainers. The Arena was silent aside
from the Learners' agitated breathing. There wasn't a single noise
from the Trainers, not even a...
The slightest footstep from a few feet away reached
my ears. Silently, I swung my sword at the noise. It was followed by
a thump of impact and a grunt from the Trainer I had hit. I could
just make out his shadowy form as he retreated.
“How did you do that?” Breeta asked right before
she squealed in surprise. A Trainer loomed above her from the
darkness, sword over his head and crashing down swiftly onto Breeta.
She growled fiercely and instinctively stabbed her wooden sword
solidly into his stomach. I could hear the air rush out of him from
where I was standing. Gasping, he stumbled away, Breeta muttering an
apology after him.
“Don't apologize.” I told her. “They're not
going to go easy on us, so we're not going to go easy on them.” I
smiled, even though I knew she couldn't see it in the dark. “The
rules are a little different during a night Training session.”
“Aren't we supposed to be getting that flag?”
Dramduel asked from his place at my side.
“Yes we are.”
“And how are we going to do that?” Breeta
inquired.
“We're going to have to split up. Each of us will
have a different job to do so we can get the flag. Someone needs to
look out for Trainers, someone has to watch for obstacles, someone
needs to attack the Trainers, and someone needs to actually get the
flag. Who wants to do what?”
“I'll attack the Trainers.” Breeta volunteered a
little too eagerly.
“I'll watch out for them.” Gvenney said.
“Good. Dramduel, do you want to get the flag?”
I heard him shrug next to me. “That sounds good to
me.”
“And I'll look for obstacles. I'll lead the way.
Breeta, you need to circle around everyone and take down any of the
Trainers you see. Just make sure you don't take down one of us.”
She giggled quietly. “I won't. How do I tell?”
“Well, we're all a lot shorter than all of them.
That's a good start. Dramduel, you need to stay somewhere in the
middle, and you need to stay by him, Gvenney. Do we all understand
what we need to do?”
“Yes.” The Learners replied almost in unison.
“Alright. Let's go. Oh, wait a moment!” I stopped
the Learners before they could run off. “If the Trainers capture
any of you, then you're out of the session. And if you land any blows
on the Trainers then they're out.”
“So that means that we've already taken out two
Trainers?” Breeta asked.
“Yes, we have. But they usually do that to just let
you get your hopes up.”
“Great.” Breeta moaned.
“We'll split on my count. Three... two... one...
Go!”
We dashed out of our circle of protection and into
the dark unknown.
Not three paces away I was attacked by a waiting
Trainer. He lunged sharply at me and I just had time to side step his
blow. Our swords slammed together six times before I pushed him away
and struck him solidly on his left shoulder. He hissed in pain and
backed away.
I trotted carefully forward. Someone else was
fighting, and it sounded like Dramduel. At least that would give me
time to catch up.
I was so focused on finding him that I didn't see the
first obstacle. My foot got tangled in it and I tripped, falling none
to gracefully onto the cobblestones with a loud 'oomph!' I jerked
desperately at my foot until it finally came loose and knelt down to
get a better look at this obstacle. Fish netting about two feet high
stretched all the way across the Arena.
“Watch out for fish netting.” I called out to the
Learners as I jumped up.
“Fish netting? What do you mean watch out for fish
netting?” I heard Breeta ask before she thudded to the groan with a
gasp of surprise.
“That fish netting.” I replied, fighting back a
chuckle.
The next obstacle I came to was giant pit of mud
oozing all over the Arena floor. Large barrels were scattered around
its edge that I almost tripped over multiple times.
“Mud puddle and barrels.” I announced.
A few feet behind me and to my left, Breeta screamed
and something splashed to the cobblestones.
“Ice water!” She managed to sputter out as she
fought off the Trainer that had thrown it.
I heard someone running to me from my left and the
suspicious sounds of sloshing. I leaped aside just as a bucketful of
ice water was launched at me. It splashed harmlessly past me, but the
Trainer wasn't fazed.
He lunged at me with a wild growl. I pushed his sword
up and away from him, and lashed at his side. His shield caught my
blow and he pushed me backwards with it right into the mud. I caught
myself before I fell backwards into it and jumped onto the Trainer
before he could recover himself. I hit him as gently as I could on
his head and he sighed in defeat.
“You're getting better, Brutan.”
It was Trainer Keanor. I chuckled. “Thank you.
You're not too bad yourself.”
“But you're still not better than me.”
I heard a swooshing sound behind me and ducked
instinctively. I swung my blade in an arc and hit this new Trainer in
his side.
I grinned at Trainer Keanor. “Maybe I am.”
He snorted at this and walked silently off with the
other Trainer.
“Thanks for taking care of that guy for me.”
Breeta said.
“No problem. There's only two Trainers left and one
of them's the Master Trainer. You might need some help with him.” I
whispered.
“I doubt it. But I'll holler if I do.”
A shriek came from Gvenney near the center of the
Arena followed by the sound of wooden swords crashing together.
“I'm coming, Gvenney!” Breeta yelped as she ran
over to help her.
I moved forward, looking for more obstacles. We
didn't have much time left before the torches were re-lit and the
session was over. But from what I could tell from the faint outlines
of obstacles and Learners I could see, we were nearing out goal.
Directly in front of the rope the flag was hanging from were five
square boxes, each different sizes but all of them taller then a full
grown man. A path wound through these boxes that was so small only
one Learner could squeeze through at a time. Waiting at the end of
this path was either the flag or another obstacle.
I glanced around to make sure everyone had passed all
of the previous obstacles. Breeta and Gvenney were still fighting the
Trainer and Dramduel was racing towards me. He screeched to a halt at
my side.
“Past those boxes,” he panted. “Are there
anymore obstacles?”
I shrugged. “The Master Trainer could be waiting
for us in there, but I'm not sure. There's only one way to find out.”
“Should we wait for the girls?” He asked, looking
back at the forms of Breeta and Gvenney as they struggled with the
Trainer.
“We need to go in there now or we won't have time.”
I said. “I'm sure Breeta and Gvenney will follow us soon.”
“Then let's go.” Dramduel smiled. He darted into
the final obstacle with me following close behind.
We squeezed our way through the short maze quickly
and painlessly. When we pushed ourselves out of it, our swords were
up and ready for whatever challenge might face us. It almost seemed
darker over here. I squinted my eyes and peered around me, ears
perked for the slightest irregular noise. The sound of the girls
sparring the Trainer were muffled behind the tall boxes and I didn't
hear anything else unusual.
“Go ahead and get the flag, Dramduel and I'll watch
out for the Master Trainer.”
These words had barely passed through my mouth before
Dramduel shouted and pushed me backwards. We crashed onto the
cobblestones and I watched as the massive silhouette of the Master
Trainer sailed down from the top of a box and landed nimbly right in
front of us.
Dramduel and I scrambled up and lowered ourselves
into defensive positions.
“I'll distract him. You get the flag.” I mumbled
out of the side of my mouth. Dramduel nodded almost imperceptibly.
Wordlessly, the Master Trainer charged at us. His
sword sliced down at me diagonally over his shoulder and it took all
of my strength to block it. Dramduel sprinted off towards the flag,
but the Master Trainer turned on him. Dramduel barely managed to
bring his sword up to meet the Master Trainer's as he rained down
blow after blow on the Learner. Dramduel faltered under a
particularly heavy strike and I leaped in. I shoved the Master
Trainer's blade aside just enough to let Dramduel loose. I swung at
the Master Trainer just as quickly as he had swung at Dramduel
moments before. I just had to give Dramduel enough time to get the
flag before the Master Trainer won, as I knew he eventually would.
Shouts came from the other side of the obstacle.
Heavy, running footsteps, and out of the opening between the boxes
came the last Trainer. Dramduel was just reaching up to take the flag
when the Trainer appeared. He ran over to Dramduel before he could
retrieve the flag and they were soon engaged in a desperate battle.
Breeta and Gvenney slid out of the path and almost
ran into each other.
“Get the flag!” I yelled, my teeth gritted in
concentration.
“Isn't that Dramduel's job?” Breeta asked,
looking back and forth between Dramduel and I.
“That doesn't matter anymore!” I exclaimed,
ducking out of the way of a wild blow from the Master Trainer. “Just
get the flag!”
Both of the girls rushed over to the flag at the same
time. I struggled to hold back the Master Trainer, grunting with
every blow I gave and parried. I didn't think I could hold out for
much longer against his sheer strength. But I remembered how I had
found that extra strength during my fight with the Night Shadow, and
I dug for it.
As Breeta ran past Dramduel, the Trainer fighting him
stuck out his foot. Breeta pitched forward and fell to her knees. In
one fell stroke, the Trainer slammed Dramduel across the front of his
chest and pivoted around to face Breeta. Gvenney watched all this in
stunned silence.
“Gvenney!” I screamed, battering back the Master
Trainer's furious assaults. She looked over at me.
“Get the flag!” Each word was punctuated by a
grunt as I deflected three more blows from the Master Trainer.
That was all she needed. Slipping a little on the
cobblestones, she bolted over the few remaining steps to the flag.
The remaining Trainer leapt over Breeta and raced towards her, but he
was too late. Gvenney ripped the flag from its rope and raised it
high in the air just as the torches were re-lit.
“I did it! I got the flag!” She cried, a
triumphant smile pulling back her lips further than I thought was
humanly possible.
Breeta shouted victoriously, leaping up from her
knees and running over to Gvenney. She hugged her, laughing and
saying “You did it!” over and over again.
Dramduel and I both dropped our swords and lifted
Gvenney onto our shoulders. The four of us marched around the eight
humble Trainers who cheered Gvenney's name with us as she blushed a
deep crimson.
For the first time in a long time, the Learners had
succeeded in retrieving the flag. And this was cause for celebration.
“You can all take tomorrow off.” The Master
Trainer said once our excitement had cooled down and Gvenney was
safely on the ground again. “And the teamwork and ingenuity you
displayed tonight has shown me that you will all make excellent Home
Defenders. From this moment on Dramduel, Gvenney, and Breeta are now
officially Learners. In a few weeks time we will have a banquet to
honor this occasion and announce the news to the Village. So I would
suggest that you all prepare yourselves for a grand feast.”
Great shouts of joy rose up from both the four of us
and the Trainers. No longer were the Learners just being tested, or
the concept of Home Defense just an experiment. Now it was a reality.
For me, this was both exciting and frightening. Not only was Home
Defense a reality, but so was the threat behind its birth. And I had
to Train these Learners to be ready to fight whatever that threat
was.
Thanks for reading!!!! Have a great week. :D
MR
