Thursday, February 25, 2016

Thought Process: Testimony

Hey guys!
   So, I think that 'Thought Process Thursday' is going to become a thing. It probably won't be every week, but it might be. Who know. It all depends on if my mind decides to be all weird and deep that week or not. :P
   Last night I was listening to my usual thoughtful, deep music that I listen to (translate that to sad music), and inspiration struck. I'd been wanting to write a poem about my testimony, how I got saved, for awhile now. I've been chewing on the thought for the last few months, thinking of a good rhyming scheme, thinking of how I wanted to word things. And I finally did it last night.
   However, it isn't really a poem. No, actually, it's nothing like a poem. It's just a strange thing that vaguely explains it in my own weird way. So I thought I'd give you all a bit of clarification before I post that.
   I accepted Jesus as my Saviour on August 24th, 2014. I had originally thought that I'd gotten saved when I was younger, about 6 or 7. But God then showed me that wasn't the case.
   I was under conviction for a few months, fighting my need to be saved and my fear of a hopeless life and the even more hopeless death that was sure to follow if I didn't fill that need. I knew I needed to get saved, and I wanted to. But I was scared.
   I was scared about the fact that I hadn't actually been saved this whole time, so I was kind of in denial. Even more than that, I was scared of, well, everyone else around me.
   This is where things get a bit tricky because not even I understand what I was truly afraid of here. I wasn't really scared of people knowing I wasn't saved this whole time, despite the fact that I'd been teaching a kid's class and doing all of these church-things without having a real relationship with the Lord. I was mostly scared of them all paying attention to me.
   I'm the kind of person who likes to fade into the background. I can seem outgoing, but I'm also pretty quiet. No one really realizes how little they know about me, and I like it that way. It's nice. I'm there, but I'm not really deeply connected with anyone.
   Sounds weird, but it's true.
   I knew that if I came forward and got saved, everyone would be looking at me, talking about me, wondering what was wrong.
   And that was what I was scared of. Everyone would be focused on me and I didn't like that.
   Sounds even weirder, but it's also true.
   Hopefully, that all makes some sense and what I'm about to post now does too. If you are confused, you can always ask me about it, I'm not afraid to answer questions. :)
   So, here's the thing...

Testimony

Safety. Comfort. False assurance. Fake peace. Contentment in thinking I knew I was secure. 

Realization. Stabbing guilt, shattering thought. My safety crumbling around me in a thousand ragged pieces, tearing holes into my false cocoon and sending me plummeting downwards. 

Lies. Everything was a lie, all this time, and I didn't even know. All these people that thought I was safe, lied to. I should say something, I should speak, they would only forgive. He would only forgive. But I couldn't. To think I could like to myself for this long, that I believed it. And the people. Everyone would know, everyone would look at me, everyone would talk about me. This scared me more than the abyss I was plunging down.

Darkness. Clawing, cloaking darkness tearing me apart, pulling me, pushing me ever deeper.

Guilt. What have I done, dear God, what have I done? I killed the Light. His blood stains my hands and fills my thoughts and chokes me. I don't want to live with the guilt anymore, I want to be free. But the people, the eyes, the words all hold me back. 

Fear. In an instant death could take me and my decision would be made. I don't want to die in the darkness and be thrown to something far worse. But I can't cry for help. I can't admit my fear, can't admit my struggle. 

Would it be better to die?

No, death would only bring the deeper darkness, darkness with no hope. I need to look up, stop being stupid, stop fighting freedom. But the people scare me, and I stay silent. 
And I fall.

And fall.

The darkness doesn't end. It pulls more and more from me, willing me to give into it, to choose the deeper darkness. But I know that it's worse, and I know looking up is better.

I try it. 
I take a tiny peek at the Light. But the people see me. They see my tears, my fear, they're worried. I don't like them looking at me, their concern scares me more. I'm fine, I'm fine. 
I look back into the abyss.

Better. It's better this way. Maybe I should forget that I'm falling and let the darkness take me. How could I forget, though? I know better than that. I know what happens when you forget. I don't want that.
I fear the deeper darkness, I fear the Light and I'm stuck in between, being dragged downwards by fear. 

I want nothing more than to stop existing.

Tearing. The guilt is tearing me apart into nothingness. The fear soaks into me until that's all there is. I won't want to live in fear, but I do. 

The Light. I need it, more than I fear the people. I need Him.

ENOUGH

I look up. And the people see. They see my tears, they see my fear. They see my broken, shattered soul. I hate it. I hate it almost as much as the darkness, but the darkness is still worse. 

I reach up. Blood and blackness run from my hand, staining my flesh, my clothes, my heart. My sin, His blood. 

The Light reaches down and grabs hold. 

He washes me, pulls me from the darkness and builds me a cocoon stronger than the one I had before could ever hope to be.

But I'm still afraid.

Am I still lying? Is this real? Oh, how I want to be safe, but can I be?

Is. It. Real?

Yes. This time it is real. It was made by the Light. It can never be broken. 

I am safe. 
Safe from the darkness, safe from the fear.
Safe in the Light. 

----------
 
See you soon, dear readers.

MR

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

#goodbyegravityfalls

Hello, readers.
   Well, I'm back again a little bit later than promised, but oh well, you probably expected that, didn't you? But here is the Gravity Falls post I told you I would share. This is the last one I will (probably) be putting up for awhile, since my last few have been pretty Gravity Falls oriented. :P Also, I will have pictures of my Mabel cosplay throughout instead of the spoiler-y images I really want to post...
   It turned out that I was able to watch the Gravity Falls finale on Monday after all. And I'm kind of going to talk about that, in a completely spoiler free way. Maybe... (I'll put up spoiler warnings if I have any)
   Monday was a holiday, so my brother and I didn't have school and my dad had the day off. So we took a day and went on the town. It was a lot of fun! We went and looked at some shops filled with stuff I loved but couldn't afford, probably got a few weird stares from people about the full-on Mabel cosplay I was wearing, but I was totally fine with it. We were out for the majority of the day having fun and hanging out and didn't get back until about 4:00.


   All day I was rather excited about the impending Gravity Falls finale that I didn't think I would be able to watch that day. But when I got home, I just had to see if there was some way I could.
   And what do you know.
   I find a livestream of the show. Which was great, right? Except I was halfway through the stream. In the middle of the blessed episode.
   I was more excited than words could fully express. So I squeal and exit out before I see any spoilers and tell my brother. After a bit more careful searching, I figure out that the episode is airing two times back to back. We still had some time before the second stream, so my mom and I went to the playground across the street and took some pictures of my Mabel cosplay and then went to the grocery store.
   Which ended up being a ginormously-huge-vast mistake.
   'Cause we missed the second stream by, like, 10 minutes. That was a low point of the day.
   After about another hour of stalking and searching for an online sight where I could watch the new episode, my search is unsuccessful and I am just a bit upset.
   But I still cling onto hope.
   So I hop in the shower, thinking that something will be up by the time I'm out.
   There wasn't.
   So I continue to desperately search for another thirty minutes or so. And  then, finally, I find it and my brother and I grab a blanket and my tablet, settle down on our desk chairs, and watch it.
   In the end, I should have just had more patience and waited another few hours after I missed the livestream instead of stressing about how I could find it. But lemme tell you.
   That finale was completely worth all the searching.
    It was perfect. I mean, seriously, it was perfect. 
    It was so emotionally driven, the characters had some very real high and low moments, the animation was spectacular as it always is, the music was amazing, the plot was everything you'd want from a Gravity Falls episode. There were some heart-wrenching moments where I had the burning desire to chuck my tablet across the room as hard as I could, find Alex Hirsch, punch him in the face, and then fall to my knees and sob like an infant. I ended up just sticking to sobbing like an infant for nearly the entire second half of the episode. Actually, if I think too much about the episode I'll start crying. I'm going to try and avoid that, so let's move on.
   The best word I can think to describe the episode is... Perfect, really. It was perfect.
   Everything came together and tied itself up, while still leaving enough loose ends to leave the story alive in our hearts and possibly keep things open for the future?????? *Throws violent hints to Alex Hirsch*
   And that ending scene. Man, if you've seen it then you know what I'm talkin' about. Yeah, that scene.
   It broke me. I am broken from that scene. That sequence of scenes. The entire finale broke me, okay?!
   But the worst part of all of it is this.
   It's over. Gravity Falls is over for what might very well be for good. And I've only been in this fandom for a few months, but I've become so attached. I mean, I JUST JUMPED ON THIS CRAZY BANDWAGON AND NOT IT'S ROLLING TO A STOP!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!??!
  Seriously, guys. If you haven't seen this episode, if you have yet to watch this show, what the heck are you doing still sitting here reading this post???? Go now! Go now and watch it, right now, now NOW! Then we can all talk and cry about the glorious story that is Gravity Falls.
   So, yes. The episode was phenomenal, the entire show was, and I'm not giving up on some kind of continuation in the future.

   See you next summer!

MR

Sunday, February 14, 2016

A Quick Compilation of Gravity Falls Theories

Hello my dear readers!
   How are you all? I sincerely hope you are doing alright, as I do every week. Life can be tough sometimes, but just remember to keep your chin up and that God loves you all the time no matter what. That always makes me feel better and helps me move another step forward. :)
   I have a couple more serious posts lined up, but I wanted to kind of relax from that for a week. If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll know my about my freaky obsession with Gravity Falls. I started watching it a couple months ago and guys. It is seriously, like, the greatest thing of all time ever. Go watch it. Now. And also, the finale AIRS ON MONDAY AND I DIE A LITTLE MORE INSIDE WHICH EACH MOMENT IT GETS CLOSER!!!!
   Ahem. Yeah. I have a couple theories regarding some things that I have yet to see online, and I wanted to share them all before it gets too late.
   This may get a little deep, so... *Cracks knuckles*
   You better buckle up.
   ((Obvious spoiler alert, so if you haven't watched all of the episodes, leave now!!!))

   1. The Glasses

   On the Bill Cipher wheel, there are a bunch of symbols. We have Soos' question mark, the bag of ice that most-likely represents Wendy (though that is still up for debate), Stan's fez symbol, Dipper's pine tree, Gideon's star, the six-fingered hand for either the journals or Stanford, the lama that is now pretty much confirmed as being Pacifica, Mabel's shooting star, Robbie's broken heart and the glasses.



Now, a lot of people would say that the six-fingered hand represents the journals, and that the glasses represent Stanford. Which makes sense, right? But I have a counter-theory.
   In S1E16, "Carpet Diem", we discover the secret room that holds the body switching carpet. Obviously this is a room that holds some of Stanford's experiments and stuff, you know, all that cool science-y junk. We also see Stanley pick up a pair of glasses that were lying on a desk and put them in his pocket. And then we later see him looking thoughtfully, sorrowfully at them alone in  his chair. After we see Stanford walk out of the portal, it becomes pretty obvious that they at one time belonged to him. I mean, the glasses he was wearing are nearly an exact copy of the ones Stanley found, aside from the crack in the lens. All the signs kind of point to the glasses being Stanford's symbol on the wheel.
   But think about this.
   Stanford's six fingers have always been a prominent theme in the show, more prominent to his character than a pair of glasses. So for a moment, let's just hypothesize that the six fingered hand is Stanford's symbol instead of the glasses and that the journals don't have a place on the wheel.
   So what about the glasses?
   What if the glasses don't represent Stanford, but they specifically represent themselves,  the pair that Stan found? What if they don't just belong to Stanford, but they were one of his experiments? What if they have some kind of special quality that is yet to be discovered? What if we're looking at this all wrong?
   Hehheh, this theory is kind of crazy, I know. I was pretty excited when I thought of it, and what the heck, might as well share it even if it's totally off the mark.

2. Stanley and Stanford=Ducktective and his evil twin??? 

Okay, okay, guys. First off, this theory was actually thought up by my brother, so I must give him credit. But it is so cool, I had to share it with you all.
   In S2E13, "Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons" there are multiple awesome things that happen that gave my brother the idea for this theory. So first off, we have these infamous lines:

When I watched this, I laughed and screamed "THEY REFERENCED GRAVITY FALLS IN GRAVITY FALLS!":

Haha, parallels between Ducktective and the original Mystery Twins, funny stuff, great job, Alex. 
   WRONG. 
image   Let's just say for a moment that they are paralleling each other. First off, that would mean that Stanford might end up being a villain of sorts. This has already been hinted at by the new appearance of Stanford in the antagonist section of the theme song. 

    But do you know what else this also means? Let me explain.
   In the trailer for Weirdmaggedon part 3, we see a brief flash of what looks suspiciously like Ford making a deal with Bill, which is then followed by these little beauties:


 
   Now let's backtrack. The reason Ducktective is in the hospital is because his evil twin brother shot him. Let's just say that Ford makes a deal with Bill and goes all crazy and power-hungry and whatever. It's already been established that Ford and Stanley aren't on the best of terms, and this whole Weirdmaggon fiasco probably hasn't helped that at all. If Ford sides with Bill, who knows what he might do to solidify their agreement. He might even shoot the brother that has done nothing but love and support him for their entire lives. 
   This happy little theory is further solidified by all of the hints of Stan dying we've gotten, along with the fact that Ford carries a gun, and that the Pines family is apparently going to have to make some kind of sacrifice. 
   So yeah. Thank my brother for that one. 

 3. Dipper's birthmark has more significance than we think

   Alright, last theory. I know that this has been brought up before, but I still had to share it. 
   Dipper's birthmark has always been a pretty big thing in the show, though it's never really been that big. But I think it has more significance than is implied. 
   Dipper's birthmark is very obvious in that one scene in "Not What He Seems"...
   

   And in this scene in "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future"...



   Along with a few others. You don't really see it unless it's an important moment like these ones. And Dipper has gone by this name for obviously a very long time. It's part of his identity, part of who he is. So...
   WHAT THE HECK DOES IT MEAN????
   I don't even have any thoughts on what it could be, I just had to share because I really want to know and sometimes it feels better if I scream about stuff to other people.


And that about wraps it up for this post.
   I'm actually planning on cosplaying Mabel on Monday, even though I won't be able to watch the episode until Wednesday. I'll probably post pictures of that along with a review of the episode and the show in general in an extra post on Thursday, so stay tuned for that!
   Have a great week everyone, and be sure to tell me your thoughts and theories on the upcoming episode and Gravity Falls in general in the comments!

MR

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Life is Weird and So is My Thought Process

Heyo everyone!
   Whomp, look who's late again. Me. It's me. I'm late at posting once again, and I am so sorry! To be honest, I haven't had any spectacular blogging ideas as of late, but I am going to change that. I will be blogging regularly from now on! By the by, if you all have any suggestions or ideas for posts and such that would be fantabulous. :D ((Also, what do you think of the new blog design??? Pretty snazzy? Pretty lame? Tell me, tell me!))
   If you've read the title of this post, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm going to be blogging about today. Well folks. Today you are going to get a little peek into my mind. Or, my thought process and how I think about weird things. I've been kind of toying with the idea of setting aside another day of the week for these kind of (hopefully) shorter posts exploring the dark regions of my psyche, so this is like an experimental test.
   This will either be really exciting or super-dooper lame. But there's no way to know unless you try, am I right?
   So, I kind of get these extremely strange thoughts all the time for no reason. Like, I'll be brushing my teeth and suddenly I'm thinking about how short life is and I'm squandering it on this mundane routine. I mean seriously, this happens all of the time at the strangest moments. The following is one of those thoughts.
   I am 99% sure that most of the people that read my blog are young, as in teens or maybe early twenties. I'm only 16 myself, so that doesn't really come as a surprise. So yeah, a bunch of young people on here, right?
   Okay, good.
   I've recently been pondering the concept of school and high-school in particular. I used to be of the very strong opinion that pretty much everything you learn in high-school is a giant waste of time. I mean seriously, are you going to use any of this stuff ever??? But then I had a thought that thoroughly countered this very strong opinion of mine. The purpose of high-school is to give kids a taste of everything they can do, let them try a few things out so they can find something they enjoy and go do something with it. Which makes sense in the long run, unless you already know what you'd like to do as you get older. Which makes a little less sense, but that's another blog post for another day.
   This thought then led to another one in turn. High-school and school in general are such a small part of life. I mean the average human has a lifespan of 70-80 years, give or take some time depending on health issues and all of that fun stuff. School takes about 13 years from start to finish, including high school which takes 4. In the grand scheme of things, this is a very small part of your life. I mean, 13 out of 80 isn't that long, is it? No it's not.
   Consequently, this time of school also takes up a good part of your childhood. You start school at about 5 years old, and you do it until you're about 18. Boom, childhood gone.
   People put so much emphasis and stress on this time of your life, especially in high school. You've gotta learn all of these things so you can then learn these things and then go and do these things. Everyone always tells you how important school and high-school are, how important your childhood is and how you don't want to squander this time, yadda yadda ya. Do you guys get my point?
   No? Well here. The point is that you still have about, eh, I don't know 60+ years of life left when it's all said and done. And we spend all of our teen and maybe even our childhood years, all 18 of them, stressing about what we're going to do with this huge amount of time while we only have this short time to have some carefree time but we only spend all of this time worrying about what we're going to do with our time and this doesn't make any sense, but good because that's the point.
   I mean, isn't our childhood supposed to be, like, fun? Aren't we supposed to enjoy this carefree part of our life for the short time it lasts?? But instead we worry about how we're going to figure out the rest of our 60+ years???? It don't make no sense!
   Listen, I ain't sayin' you should be one of those YOLO idiots who squanders their teen years on partying and drinking and drugs and ends up ruining what's left of their lives. Be wise, prepare a little, but man! You don't have to get a job when you're 14, you don't have to go to college the moment you finish high-school, you don't have to know exactly what you're going to do with your life the moment you turn 18. I mean, you want to think about it, you want to start planning, but you don't have to have a detailed outline of every step you take from now until you retire. There's nothing wrong with being a fry cook for a little while until while you figure things out and save up a little money. Relax! Because the truth is you do only live once, and a couple years from now you're going to wish you hadn't spent all of your childhood stressing.
   Dang it all, God has a plan and it's hard because you wanna see it, but I promise you that He does have one and that He doesn't want you having anxiety and depression and all of that rotten stuff because you're feeling all of this pressure to plan your entire life out before you even graduate high-school!!!!
   So you know what. Imma tell you what you need to do. You need to exit out of this dumb post, find some old Looney Tunes to watch, grab a Capri-Sun and some mac and cheese, wrap yourself up in a blanket with your favorite stuffed animals and laugh your self silly at the hilarious stunts Bugs Bunny gets into while trying to not spew food and/or drink all over your computer screen. 'Cause this time of your life was made for enjoying so that's what you'd better do with it before it's all gone.

MR

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

"Deep Stuff"- A Gravity Falls Fanfiction

Heyo readers!
   I'm back! A little late, but hey. I was trying to finish my fanfiction, and guess what? I DID!!! It's like a miracle, I actually got something down when I said I would have it done! :D 
   So yes, that's what this post is going to be.
   But before you read this fanfiction, I must say some things. 
   First off, obvious spoilers for Gravity Falls. If you haven't seen the show, don't read this fanfic, because if you haven't seen it you need to go watch it right now. And I mean now. So go. Don't even finish reading this post or this description or anything. Go watch the show. 
   BUT
   If you have seen the show, but you haven't gotten to S2E4 "Sock Opera", you shouldn't read this fic. Because, spoilers. Seriously. Go catch up and then come back and read. 
   And that concludes the disclaimers or warnings or whatever. Except, did I mention that I've only read this through once, so it's probably really bad and I'm probably going to regret posting it by tomorrow, but oh well I just wanted to get it up. 
   So don't hate me for this fic. 
   Alright! Enough chit-chat. Let's get this thing started. 


 “Deep Stuff”
Gravity Falls fanfiction (Post Sock Opera)

-Dipper and Mabel have a late night discussion about a certain psycho triangle and the affect he had on a certain twelve-year old Mystery Twin-

Mabel's eyes flew open, something jolting her unexpectedly from her sleep. She blinked, brow furrowing as she wondered what could have woken her. She felt wary, strange, like something wasn't right. Could she have been having a nightmare?
Nah, that wasn't likely. Mabel never had nightmares, and on the rare occasion she did, they were never bad enough to give her the unsettled feeling she had now.
Maybe it was a weird noise? Yeah, that made more sense. It was probably just Grunkle Stan rummaging around for some food or doing some weird old man stuff. She knew it wasn't Dipper because the lights were out and she could hear the rhythmic sounds of his snoring coming from the other side of the room.
Except, the snores weren't coming from the other side of the room.
She glanced down at the curled up form of Waddles nestled at her feet. Rumbling pig-snores echoed from his adorable little mouth, his precious little hooves brought up by his head and a look of utter contentment on his face.
A little squeal erupted out of Mabel at his piggy-cuteness before she clapped a hand over her mouth to stop it.
Of course the snores weren't coming from Dipper. He never snored, but Waddles always did. But she didn't have any time to think about that, because what she was looking at right now was prime scrapbook material. She groped for the camera she kept on her bedside table, but her hand found nothing but empty-space. Dang it, where was her camera???
Any moment now, Waddles would shift to a different position and this cuteness would be lost for all eternity, never to return again. There was no time to lose!
She swiveled toward Dipper's side of the room, mouth open and ready to plead with him to help her find her camera before it was forever too late.
That was when she remembered it was the middle of the night. Also that she was awake because of what she assumed was a strange noise. And even more important that all this, she realized that her twin brother was not in his bed where he should be.
She paused, staring at the messed up bedclothes and empty bed for a moment. Before she rolled her eyes and continued to search for her camera.
He had probably just gone to the bathroom and run into something along the way. She grinned, imagining the half-asleep form of her brother stumbling to the bathroom and running into a table or something equally clumsy and completely him.
But that was when she saw that Dipper's hat and vest were missing from their usual place at the foot of his bed. With a startling flash of clarity, she remembered everything that had happened yesterday with her brother and her completely failed sock-opera and Gabe and Bill and Bipper.
She also remembered that Dipper never got up in the middle of the night unless he was sick or he'd had a nightmare. And with everything that had happened yesterday, neither of those options were out of the question.
She leaped out of the covers and onto her feet in one smooth movement. Her eyes locked on Dipper's table and she noted with relief that the journal was still there. The last thing she wanted her brother doing was more research or whatever nerdy stuff he did when what he really should be doing was getting some rest, sickness or nightmares or not.
But even though the journal was where it should be, her brother was not. And he was hurt and tired and what if Bill had come back...
She shook her head furiously to get rid of these ridiculous thoughts.
“Come on, Mabes,” she muttered to herself. “Worrying is for Dipper. Stepping forward with a smile on your face and getting the job done is your area of expertise!”
Taking a deep breath, she stepped off of the bed, casting one more glance at Waddles before she left the room. The moment of cuteness would just have to be lost.
Her sock clad feet padded swiftly along the wooden floor of the house as she searched for her brother. Her first stop was the bathroom, but he wasn't there. Next she tried the kitchen, but that was empty as well. She checked the living room, the hallways, the gift shop, she even managed a peek into Grunkle Stan's room, but he wasn't there, he wasn't anywhere.
A sigh escaped her mouth as she tried to fight down her rising worry. She had come back up to the attic and planted herself on the window seat, her chin cupped in her hands, lips pursued in concentration.
She shouldn't be worried. She was the great Mabel Pines, capable of conquering any fear with a never-ending supply of cheer, glitter, and yarn! If she could do that, then she could find her missing twin.
But she'd looked everywhere! Where could he possibly be?
Ding.
A light clicked on in Mabel's mind. She grinned and ran down the stairs as fast as she dared while still being quiet. There was one place she hadn't looked yet, and she had a pretty good feeling that was where he was.
Carefully, quietly she sneaked up the ladder that led to the roof. One she'd reached the top, she climbed to the top and raised her head just enough to peek over the rim. A relieved grin tugged at her mouth when she saw the hunched-over form of her brother in the moonlight, sitting motionlessly on the platform.
The platform floor creaked loudly as she walked over to him. She settled down on his right wordlessly as she thought of the right amount of cheer to slather on without overwhelming him. Judging from the fact that his face was completely hidden under his hat and he hadn't so much as glanced in her direction, he had probably had a nightmare. And when it was this bad, she had to be very careful with what she said so she didn't send him “over the edge”, as Mom and Dad had said last time this had happened. Of course, the last time this had occurred was back when they were both nine and they had watched Toy Story 3 and Dipper had gotten scared that Lots-O'Huggin' Bear was going to eat him and his toys. After the events of today, Mabel was pretty sure that this was a little worse.
She gulped, staring at Dipper's unmoved form. Yep, this was definitely going to take some thought.
His knees were brought up to his chest, arms wrapped firmly around them, head somewhere between his legs and his body. She could just see the white bandages wrapped around his left arm and the bruises that ran down all the way to his wrist. In her mind she could see the other bruises and cuts on his back and legs, and the giant goose egg on the back of his head.
Anger rushed through her as she stared at her brother. This was all Bill's fault. That low-down, good for nothing, triangular poop-face! Mabel didn't often have the desire to punch things, but when she thought about that stupid triangle she did. She'd hit him right in his fat eye if she could.
Dipper shifted slightly, wrapping his arms a little tighter around his legs. He sniffed quietly, but it was loud enough that Mabel didn't miss it.
Was he crying?? She couldn't remember that last time he had cried. This was bad, this was super-duper not good. She was definitely going to need to ration her cheer carefully.
He still hadn't even glanced at her yet, had hardly even moved. If it wasn't for the almost imperceptible rise and fall of his shoulders she wouldn't have even known if he was breathing.
As the two of them sat in silence, the only sounds coming from the forest around them, part of Dipper wanted Mabel to just leave him alone. It was just a dumb nightmare! He didn't want her to see him upset like this, especially over something so stupid. He was fine, he didn't need anyone to tell everything was okay or any of that. He just wanted to be alone for awhile.
Or at least, that was what he told himself. He sniffed again, burying his face a little deeper into his legs and hoping Mabel hadn't noticed and that she would just go away, or maybe not, maybe it would be better if she stayed...
Mabel certainly did hear this second sniffle, and she came to the conclusion that it was time to stop thinking. She lived by the standard that jumping into things without much thought was almost always a great idea, and this time wasn't any different.
“Whatcha doin' out here, bro-bro?”
Her voice was gentle, hardly loud enough to break the silence. Dipper jumped as if she'd shouted it.
He gulped noisily and cleared his throat.
“Oh, you know. Just thinking.” His voice cracked and shook when he spoke.
“'Bout what?” Mabel prodded, sliding a little closer to her brother.
He shrugged. “Stuff.”
Not good, not good, not good. She hesitated for a brief moment, wondering if she should say what she wanted to or if it would be an over-the-edge-sender. Dipper sat there, half of him wanting her to say it, and the other half hoping she wouldn't.
“You thinkin' about what happened today?”
There, she said it.
Silence for what felt like an eternity.
Then a shrug and a grunt from the Dipper-lump.
“Kind of.”
Mabel wanted to remind him of the talk they'd had about giving better answers, but now wasn't the time.
“Kind of?”
Dipper sighed deep and long, loosening the tension in his shoulders that Mabel hadn't noticed before.
“It's not a big deal, Mabel, really.”
His voice was muffled behind his knees, but Mabel didn't need to hear it clearly to know that it was thick with tears and that was most certainly a big deal, thank you very much, Dipper Pines.
She carefully put a hand on his shoulder, painfully aware of the bruises just under his clothes.
“Hey Dipper.”
She paused, waiting for some kind of response.
His head shifted toward her, just enough that she could see that faint outline of his face in the moonlight.
Putting on her best, most encouraging, most Mabel-y smile, she continued.
“You know, plain ol' siblings are pretty good at sharing stuff with each other, but twins are even better at it. And sometimes you might not want to talk about something, but you always feel better after you do.”
She let her smile get a little wider, a little more encouraging.
The lump-that-was-Dipper stayed perfectly still for a moment. She heard him swallow, watched as the glint of his eyes disappeared as he blinked.
Then, finally...
“I had a bad dream.”
He had a feeling that she probably had already figured this out by now, but it was an easy way to ease into the conversation that he knew was coming.
He spoke so quietly that Mabel could hardly hear him through the muffling powers of his legs and the faint night-time noises coming from below.
She nodded, far from surprised at this.
“Was it about that crazy triangle?” She prodded when he didn't continue.
He visibly winced at the mention of that stupid thing and nodded.
There was another moment of silence as Mabel tried to think of how to get her brother to open up without making him freak out. Dipper didn't think that was possible. Unless he decided to speak first.
“He was in my body again.”
Dipper had turned his head completely away from her, but his face wasn't buried quite as deeply into his knees.
“It was just the same stuff that happened today, but this time everything didn't turn out alright.”
Mabel could see his face clearly now. Wide eyes stared up at the night sky, the dark circles under them still as prominent as the day before, cuts and bruises framing his pale face.
“Bill got the journal this time. He destroyed it, right there in front of me and I couldn't to anything.”
He was getting more animated now, giving his arms a helpless shake to emphasize his point. Mabel didn't miss the way he winced when he jerked his injured arm a little too hard.
He stopped talking, arms wrapped back around his legs again. There was something about the way his shoulders tensed up and how his throat started working that told Mabel he wasn't finished yet.
“But I didn't care about any of that.” He whispered. “He could have burned the journal a hundred times and I wouldn't have cared.”
Mabel squinted at him. Well, this was odd.
Dipper swallowed loudly and looked into her eyes for the first time that night,
“He killed you, Mabel. I watched him as he took my hands and he...”
His voice broke. Biting down on his lip in an attempt to fight off the tears, he stared at his sister with watery, fear-filled eyes.
“I killed you.”
The sentence ended in a sob that sent the first tear rolling down his cheek. He took a shuddering breath and pushed forward before Mabel could say anything, a note of hysteria creeping into his voice.
“It's all my fault. I should have never made that deal with Bill in the first place. I should have listened to the journal, I should have never let him into my mind and now it's too late.”
The hysteria was turning into full-blown panic now. His gaze darted around wildly, looking anywhere but at his sister, breaths coming in short gasps.
It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my-
“Dipper, what the heck? Calm down, will ya?”
Mabel's startled and somehow commanding voice drew Dipper back to reality. He started and glanced over at her, mouth still gaping open in whatever he was about to say. He looked confused, almost as if he'd forgotten he wasn't still stuck in the dream and that Mabel wasn't dead and everything was okay.
Closing his mouth, he cleared his throat and blinked uncomfortably against the sting in his eyes. Was that from tears or from what had happened in the kitchen?
Mabel was starting to get worried and there was no pushing it aside this time.
“It was just a dream, dummy, nothing to worry about. We took care of that crazy triangle dude, the journal's safe and I'm just alive and me as ever!”
She threw in an extra wide grin and lifted her shoulders up.
“So there's no reason for you to...”
The look Dipper was giving her was enough to put her cheerfulness on a temporary hold.
Past the tears swimming around their red-rims and spilling over onto his cheeks, there was so much guilt in his eyes that it made Mabel start to wonder if he really had killed her.
“You don't understand,” he croaked. “I know it was just a dream, but, but it wasn't! I actually let Bill into my mind. He was literally inside of my body while I floated around and watched him wreak havoc on it!”
Mabel could see memories of the things he'd told her about flash across his face. The stairs, the kitchen, the forks, the cuts and bruises...
“You could have really died, Mabel!”
His voice rose to a choked shout that silenced some of the forest noises.
“We could have all died because I made a stupid mistake. It would have been all my fault.”
The words ripped their way out his throat, tearing at his guilt-ridden heart like knives. Mabel flinched at their force, looking at her brother with a mixture of fear and concern on her face.
Dipper's ragged breaths were the only noise that filled the silence as the twins stared at each other.
Mabel hadn't seen her brother this freaked out in a long time. No, no that was wrong. This was a while new level of freaked out, something untouched and so intense that it was more than she'd expect even from Dipper. She could see him shaking, his eyes were wide and bloodshot and so haunted that he didn't even look like her brother anymore. And he was crying. Dipper never cried, not that she ever saw at least. He was always too worried about her to let her see him like that.
But this completely broke that unspoken rule, shattered it in a million-zillion pieces.
For once, Mabel was at a complete loss for words.
One look at her face was all it took for him to realize that he'd just gone over the edge again. He abruptly stopped panting, biting down on his lip with an embarrassed look creeping onto his face. Mabel looked almost scared at how distraught he was. That just made the guilt worse and before he had even realized it he'd curled back up again, hiding his tear-stained face behind his knees.
He missed the steely resolve that filled his sister's eyes when he did.
She put her hand back on his shoulder, ignoring the way he flinched away from her when she did.
“Listen up, Dippers.”
The calm strength in her usually cheerful voice was enough to make him glance over at her.
“I am going to be completely, painfully honest with you, even though I don't want to and I just want to say that everything's fine and what happened today wasn't a big deal and now it's over and all of those wonderful, nice things. But I'm not going to.”
Mabel paused. She had her brother's full attention now.
“All that sad junk you said earlier was kinda right. You were the one who let Bill take control or whatever and you did pretty much annihilate my show.”
She wasn't missing the hurt look in Dipper's eyes, but she pushed on, hoping he wouldn't start hating her until she was finished.
“Though, the whole thing with the rockets and the fire and all the things that went BOOM were my fault. But the point is, bro, that it doesn't really matter.”
Dipper raised an eyebrow at this and opened his mouth to say something, but Mabel held up a hand to stop him, teeth gritted in determination.
“Just hear me out! What I'm trying to say is that we all make mistakes. Remember that time I destroyed the magical mailbox in the forest by putting in the video of me stuffing gummy worms up my nose? Or when I told Gideon I'd go on a date with him?”
The twins shuddered simultaneously, a look of disgust coming over both of their faces.
“Yeah, that wasn't your best decision.” Dipper mumbled.
“So true! That one almost got us killed to. And there are like, a ba-jillion more mistakes I've made I could say. But even worse than any of those was when I didn't help you out with that computer when I told you I would.”
Mabel's tone was completely serious now. It could have just been the moonlight playing tricks on him, but Dipper could have sworn he saw regret in her eyes.
“So the whole mess was kind of my fault to. But in the end, everything did turn out mostly alright, even though we both messed up.”
Her gaze flickered down to the bandages on her brother's arm and she gave a mental emphasize on the word 'mostly'.
“You can't stay stuck on your mistakes, bro-bro! You gotta just keep moving on or life is gonna be a whole lot less awesome. You get what I'm trying to say?”
Dipper blinked at his sister as her eyes bored into him, waiting for a response.
“Wow, Mabel. That was really... Deep.”
She grinned. “I know, right?! I don't even know where that came from.”
There was a moment of silence, both of the twins staring at each other. Before Dipper could stop it, before he even realized it, a chuckle had escaped his mouth.
Taking the chuckle as a sign that her brother was back to normal, she let her grin grow extra wide, all the concern and regret gone so fast Dipper wondered if it had ever been there at all.
Letting her hand fall off of his shoulder, Mabel turned her gaze to the stars above them. Her face was happy, content, back to how it always was and how it always should be.
“Hey, Mabel?”
She looked back at her brother, her lips pursued questioningly.
Dipper scooted at little closer, crossing his legs and planting his hands behind him for support.
“Thanks. You know, for all of that deep stuff.”
He shot her a smile before letting his eyes wander up to the night sky.
“No problem, bro-bro. Can you show me where the big dipper is again?”
“Yeah.” He pointed up near the horizon. “It's right...”
“There!”
Mabel lunged over and gave his forehead a gentle poke. She giggled and Dipper let out a groan.
“Doesn't that ever get old?” He asked, rubbing his forehead and glaring at her in mock irritation.
“Nope!”
A ridiculously wide grin adorned her face. Dipper tried to groan again, but it turned into a laugh half-way through. Soon the sounds of the twins mirth echoed around the forest by the Mystery Shack, silencing the usual noises and replacing them with the sound of something much better.

End



Hope you all enjoyed this! As usual comments and critiques are always welcome. :D Have a great week everyone!!!!!

MR

P.S. Also, I believe this might be the longest fanfic I've written to date. So yeah. I'm actually leaving now. Goodbye. 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Art of 2015

BOOM!!!!
   Hey, is this a bonus post??? Yes, it is. The only reason this is happening is because I am fiercely procrastinating all of my responsibilities out of existence, but hey! Reasons are reasons, who cares, let's get into this thing.
   So, like, to start, I'm just going to say that this entire post is nothing but shameless self-promotion. That's it. Yeah.
   Anywho, I thought it might be kind of fun to go through my art on Pinterest and see what the five most popular pieces were of 2015.
   Kind of lame, but....
   Whatever.
   This is so spur-of-the-moment, guys, I'm sorry, I'm just gonna start and stop talking.

5. Loki 
6 repins, 12 likes

4. Hiccstrid /"Courage, Hiccup" 

   IT'S A TIE FOR FOR NUMBER FOUR!!!

7 repins, 6 likes

7 repins, 6 likes
 ((This is my favorite out of the two. :P)) 
3. Baby Tiger

13 pins, 5 likes
2. Honey Lemon


13 pins, 11 likes, also a blue ribbon at the fair
(Yep, more self promotion,. That's great)
1. "Babes in the Wood" OTGW fanart

23 repins, 9 likes
   Okay, I've got to talk about this one for a minute. This is literally the most repinned picture of mine ever of all time. And I have. Absolutely. No. Idea. Why. I mean, look at it!!! It's not worth 23 repins!!!!!!! But somehow, that's how many it has. I just.... I don't understand. I truly don't....

   And thus this totally random post comes to an end. Have a great week, everyone, and I'll see you on Monday! I'M STILL WORKING ON MY GRAVITY FALLS FANFICTION, BUT SO HELP ME I WILL HAVE IT DONE IN TIME IF IT KILLS ME!!!!! *Leaves to stop procrastinating and write on fic*

MR 

Monday, January 11, 2016

Why I Like Sad Things

Hello, readers!
   How has your week been? I hope it was great, but if not, I hope this next one is exponentially better! :D 
   In my life, I've begun to notice something about myself. It's something that I've kind of always known about, but I've also come to the realization that not everyone else is the same way. And I've also realized that it might come across as weird to those who aren't.
   You see, I like sad things. And when I say I like sad thing, I mean I like them a lot. 
   Yeah, this may or may not sound weird depending on how you feel about it. But either way, allow me to clarify.
   Even from a young age, I've always enjoyed the sadder side of stories. I've never been one for straight-up comedies, or mindless entertainment, or just simple plot-lines or any of that stuff. Though I do enjoy some good humor, hehheh. :P I've always liked dramas. The stories where something goes horribly wrong, the characters are hurt and thrown down, and it looks like there isn't any hope to be seen. I love the times when the characters are at their lowest and they just lose it. I love to scroll through the hurt/comfort fanfictions from my favorites stories. Generally speaking, my favorite parts in books and movies are the very saddest parts. 
   'Okay', you say as you exit as fast as you can out of this blog post, because wowzers this girl is creepy. I am totally sounding creepy right now, but I'm not finished. Just bear with me. 
   Yes, it is true that these are my favorite kind of stories. The ones where the tears are streaming down your face and your crying into your pillow and you just want to reach through the page or the screen and fix everything, 'cause if you have to watch one more thing go wrong in their precious fictional lives then you're going to scream. You know, those kind of stories. 
   There was a point in my life where I realized that I actually, in a somewhat sick and strange way, enjoyed this kind of pain. And I was a little scared of myself. 
   Why in heaven's name did I enjoy these kind of, well, these kind of feels? Was this normal? Should I see someone about this?? What if I'm crazy??? 
   (I'm also a bit paranoid, if you couldn't tell from the above description.)
   But after some careful thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that I was not in need of serious help. And I'm now going to do my best to convince you of the same thing.
   I don't like sad things because I'm some kind of a psychopath and I like to see people in pain. I like them because sad things are so very human. 
   Frivolous conversation isn't something I particularly enjoy. I don't like when people are shallow, I don't like when things are only "ankle-deep". I like to get down into the deepest, darkest parts and pour everything out into the light. I like when people bare their souls and are completely and totally honest with each other and when you can rest your head on someone else's shoulder and spill your guts to them and you know everything's going to be okay because you're human and so are they and this is how things are supposed to be.
   When people are sad, when people are broken, they become real. They drop the masks and they are nothing but what they truly are inside.
   They're broken and lost and they're taking the first step toward something better.
   So really, sad things aren't that sad at all. It's just that low part in every story that always leads to something even better than you or the characters could have ever imagined. When you take a sad story and shave off all of the tears and pain, at its center it's really a story of hope.
   And that's why I like them. Because it's just another way to illustrate that there really is good in the world and that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

   Hope that this ended up making some kind of sense. :P I also started an Etsy this last Friday if you want to check that out here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MagesticMakery?ref=hdr_shop_menu
   I'm hoping to have a Gravity Falls fanfiction up next week, but I've said similar things before only to have them not happen. But I'm going to really try!!
   Have a wonderful week, dearest readers!

MR